This is a historical and archival piece to document the evolution of the #FemmesOver35
I never thought I'd be someone who would find a hashtag important, yet the past several years I've seen how hashtags are a new form of media making and community. As an educator for the past 20 years, I've been excited to learn what youth have to share and to swap the expected roles in the classroom.
As I learn the new apps like Snapchat, Instagram, Periscope, and the new updates/layout for Tumblr, it's femmes of color who have shown me the way to practice and stay connected. It was from the use of the #FemmesOfColorVisibility on IG (Instagram) that I began to explore more what was possible in this space that seemed much like what early Tumblr set out to create: a microblogging space centered on images.
Most of the summer of 2015 I spent with two femmes of color: Bilen and Leah. We decided we would try to meet weekly for Femmes Over 35 dates in the city. It's a new kind of struggle to be single (as two of us were), media makers, queer femmes of color, working class, and children of immigrants, and building a life as an aging femme who doesn't have strong health insurance, money saved, or a skill/craft which folks will pay us what we are worth.
I find myself in this odd space of being an aging femme, a femme elder in many of our circles. At a time when our femme elders do not live beyond 40, die of preventable cancers like cervical cancer, are murdered, who do we have to seek support and advice from? How do we build community with elders if they are not surviving? I needed to change that because I realized in my 20s I never considered needing to see aging femmes of color. It never occurred to me that I would miss us, that I could imagine a life after 30, it seemed so far away. And now, here I am over 35, almost 40, and I don't see much of us.
When I first used the #FemmesOver35 hashtag it was June 23, 2015, the evening that Janet Mock received the inaugural José Estaban Muñoz Award from CLAGS: The Center for LGBTQ Studies at CUNY (of which I amon the board). I had attended the event with my homegirl Bilen. We were shy as we ate cheese and crackers figuring out when a good time to take a selfie with Janet Mock would emerge. As we walked to the subway together, Bilen and I shared our adoration of the evening.
When I posted the image of the three of us on IG and wrote "And then this happened tonight. #femmesofcolorvisibility #femmesover35" it began. Almost every post since then I've shared has included this hashtag. I added this hashtag during a time when I had been broken by an ex, not heartbroken, not in pain, but fully and completely broken. Every part of what I knew about myself had been cracked, shattered, and displaced. Documenting my life was part of a larger process of coming back to myself. It is still a process. During that process I thought a lot about what I could do to make the pain end permanently. I didn't have a plan, but I did have that option on the table as one choice. Some may say all the other options are better than a permanent one, and that may work for some. But when you are lonely, and I mean nobody is coming over to see you because you live so far away, or all your friends are at that mid-level career step up to senior that they are working their tails off so they can't caretake or talk, and hungry for affection and touch, someone to help remind you those pieces of you that feel so tender and sharp; they mean you are still alive right now. To feel this way is to feel alive at times.
That's what I tell myself. Sometimes I believe it more often than others. Other times I know it to be true through and through. Each foto that i post that uses the hashtag is one that I say to the world "Today I chose to be here and live this life."
Since then there have been 105 posts from mostly my femme of color community: Bilen, Amita, and Laura Luna. The fotos have more femmes of color in them like Jess, Cherry, Leah, my mom, Mollena, Trina, and the folks who we spend our time loving.
The hashtag is unapologetically queer, femme, of color, over 35, sexy, fly, brilliant, fat, strong, courageous, fantastic, and challenging all the stereotypes about what and how #femmesover35 look, feel, and live. We are shape shifters, we are survivors, we are community, we are aging, and we are here.
Maybe some media outlet will cover the hashtag, maybe not. That's not the goal in making our own media. I post this so folks know what to look for and how to find us. It's important to know we exist, we are seen, and we are affirmed. Maybe when the hashtage gets over a thousand fotos folks begin to pay more attention, until then I know my femme of color community is watching and posting! We made this what we need it to be.
Yes! You read correctly. In this piece I will make an argument that using and applying make-up can be a form of media for many folks. Now, this is not to say that folks who use make-up are always choosing or aware they are making media, but I think many of them are aware they are engaging in a form of art. Now, I know there are lots of folks who may disagree with this for several reasons, and I’d like to respond to some of those. Last week was the first time in a long time that I had been complimented on my make-up. A friend and colleague had said to me in the elevator “your make-up is flawless” and I felt good!
I don’t know too many folks who don’t like to be complimented. I felt proud to know that there was someone who recognized the care, skill, and time it took to get my make-up the way I had wanted it to look. This was one of the things that sparked my desire to write this post. Before I get into the specific points I’d like to make, let me share a story with you.
When I went back to school to focus on gender I remember having many comments made towards me about my gender expression. As my bio above mentions, I identify as a “femme” and have always had a gender expression that many read as stereotypical to Western ideas of how women are to look and ideas of femininity. I did not feel welcomed in that space. I questioned if my purple backpack was “gender neutral” enough. I resorted to wearing jeans and t-shirts more often than I cared for. My creative spirit had been broken and I became depressed.
You see for me, and many of the folks I know who “beat their face,” putting on make up, nail polish, etc. is part of our gender expression. It is a part of who we are. For me, it is a creative aspect of my identity that is extremely important. When I don’t have the ability, time, or resources to be creative in ways that fulfill me on a regular basis (photography,dancing, collaging, letter writing, zine making, etc.) I still find space for that creativity to be nurtured in make-up application.
One day at the MAC make up counter (of which I am a MAC Pro, which means I have a membership as a make-up artist and performer and thus receive a large percentage off my purchases, let me know if you want in on this discount as I make purchases for others), I heard a person say “look at all these women trying to change the way they look.” I looked up and it was a racially white woman rushing past and speaking to her pre-teen daughter. It was in that instant that I knew there was something more here. I looked around at the women at the counter and we were all women of Color.
Ideas and standards of beauty for women of Color are not the same for racially white women. Instead of hashing out this history, I encourage readers to do personal research and analysis on their own about how these differences occur and manifest. I once told a psychologist I was working with that I don’t have the pleasure, luxury, or privilege to leave my home without looking “well kept”/”put together” as a woman of Color living in this society. He did not understand and disagreed with me. I expected this and disengaged with him after I shared some resources for him to look into.
There are some folks claim that if someone uses and wears make-up you/us are perpetuating stereotypical ideals of beauty. This is one of the many issues “femmes” like me experience on a regular basis. These messages we hear from folks in and outside of our communities. There are many folks who identify as feminists, radical, revolutionaries who judge us because of our choice to wear make-up. I’ve encountered several of them who claim what I am doing is not revolutionary, is a problem, perpetuates the issue they are attempting to erase. All of a sudden I’m a part of the problem, not a useful member of the community, someone to be ridiculed, reprimanded, and ignored as my voice no longer matters. It is rare when some folks consider how my gender expression challenges them in ways that make them uncomfortable and sit with that discomfort to examine it. I write that as someone who has sat with that discomfort and will continue to do so as I learn about myself and others in such experiences.
One thing I often find interesting is that folks will judge me based on my gender expression and use of make-up, yet will not consider how I paint other parts of my body. Often when folks do recognize or discuss my body art they have vary different responses to the art on my face. The same radical, revolutionaries, and feminists enjoy talking to me about my body ink when they can see it, something that is often not done regarding my make-up.
Many of us recognize how important gender is to our lives. Many of us work regularly to be inclusive of folks who challenge gender binaries, be trans inclusive, and challenge misogyny on a regular basis. For some reason though there remains a disapproval of those of us who have a certain gender expression no matter how demure or exaggerated. There seems to be a disapproval, irritation, and even disgust for what is considered feminine. I wonder what that means for all women. Is there even safety and protection from other women in our communities? Do we really “have each other’s backs”?
Affirming our identities is important for many of us, if not all of us. There are many things we do each day to connect with who we are and where we come from. I know wearing make-up affirms my identity as a radical woman of Color, as a sexual being, as an intellectual, and educator. It also challenges ideas that people have about my identities. My use of color challenges ideas of me wanting to hide who I am and not stand out. This is associated with many parts of our identities that we are socialized to attempt to not make visible whether it is being a woman (and being passive), being fat (and not bringing attention to yourself as you already take up too much room), being a person of Color (especially if you are one of a few, or the only one in a room), being someone with a different ability (see being fat and a person of Color), and being of a certain age (wear color and products that are gender appropriate).
I’ve shared often how media is created and consumed. With this I believe that there are messages that I create when I put on my make-up. Some of my messages may include: I care about my appearance, I’m not afraid of color, I will wear this neon orange lipstick (or other bright non-traditional color) year round if I want, I love my eyelashes, cheekbones, and lips; parts i’ve been told are too broad, wide, and not beautiful. Other messages I choose to convey include: I belong here. This is one thing I hope to leave with many of the youth I work with: that they belong wherever they want to be!
Often I’ve joked that red lipstick is a cultural artifact in my Puerto Rican home. My mother wore the color, my aunts, grandmothers as well. It was a color I was given at a very young age to play with while dressing up. It is a color I continue to use to this day. This color is attached to many things for me and using it has become a ritual. One of the main reasons I adore the color right now is because it is my mother’s favorite. And I miss my ma and when I put it on I remember her, hope she will take pride in me transmitting this practice and color to other generations in our family. I’m connected to my mother through this color and practice.
I’ve also created ritual around make-up application. A ritual that is not only connected to my own forms of self-care, but also to my cultural background. While applying my make-up I put on certain media (usually a song or image) to inspire me. I have a process I follow in figuring out how I’m going to apply the products, in what way, with what brush, what effect do I want to create today, what shapes and lines will I create and how many will there be, and of course: how much sparkle to include. I do the same with nail polish. This ritual, as small or materialistic as some may see it, is a form of self-care for myself. I’m spending time with myself, doing something I love that is connected to my community, roots, and my own sense of self.
Some folks have said to me that my own sense of self can come form being natural. Ideas about natural being beautiful are ones I wholeheartedly agree with. Some folks think there is nothing natural about wearing make-up and I have to disagree. This seems to be a very US-centric perspective; one that does not recognize the diversity and varied cultures that already exist in the US (even before it was considered the US). Body decor and modifications are found all over the world and are not “new” phenomenons. Thus, these ideas of not being “natural” are not only judgmental but also make assumptions of defining “natural” for all people in the same way.
Is there privilege in putting on make-up? Sure, there’s privilege in doing a lot of things. However, if we just focus on the privilege aspect we erase the rituals and traditions of generations of people who do similar practices. That is not always helpful. There are many femmes and folks who use make-up who are using their privilege to access products by supporting certain brands exclusively. Many folks only use products that have organic components, no chemicals, are not tested on animals, do not have different pricing for different shades, are fragrance-free and are run by community members. There is a way to strategically use our privilege and many make-up wearers are aware of this.
At the same time, assuming that people who wear and use make-up only use corporate brand names is erroneous. There are many ways to make your own shades, primers, and glitter. One of my broke femme tips is that I used to (and sometimes still do) fill in my eyebrows with a wooden match. I strike the match, let it burn, then blow it out and take the tip off. The remains on the wooden stick are great for creating black shading. I have many other friends who make primer out of milk of magnesia, pinch their cheeks for blush, use sugar in the raw to get rid of dry skin on the lips, and who use coconut oil as moisturizer.
If we support choice and folks having power over their body to do with it as they wish, how and why is there still this marginalization? My make-up use and application are not about you or them or that over there. It is about me. It is an expression of my creativity, personality, love for self, connections to my culture, commitment to challenging expectations, and it is my choice.
Is being femme a political identity? This is a question I deliberatly chose not to answer as it’s complicated and very layered. For some yes. For others it is just who we are. There is a lot of literature and thoughtabout femme as an identity, a political and queer one and I encourage folks to look into that literature if you are interested. Also consider attending theFemme Conference in 2012 which will be held in Baltimore.
Many folks are familiar with this piece of media below: “To All of the Kick Ass, Beautiful Fierce Femmes Out There” by Ivan Coyote. I think it fits well into this discussion and is an important reminder to us all.
Share with me some of your ideas on media making and the connections to make-up. Do you think there are any?
This is the fourth interview in a series of interviews with various media makers who have agreed to share with us their motivations, process and hopes for the media they create. Read past interviews with Nezua, Nuala, and Espie.
This interview is long overdue! I asked Aiesha to do a virtual interview with me back in January of 2010 and then life happened and lots of exciting opportunities came up for both of us. During that time Aiesha asked me to join the advisory board of The Black Girl Project, an organization she began, which stemmed from the documentary film of the same name she directed and produced. So, I have to be honest, I’m totally biased and in support of not only Aiesha’s work, but of The Black Girl Project as well. I thought now was the best time to share part of her interview with Amplify readers (although I’ve mentioned her work before) and share ways you can get involved with the media she is creating!
I can’t remember where I met Aiesha Turman first, but I’m sure it was on the Internets because the first time we met in 3D I was bringing art supplies to her home in Brooklyn in an attempt to clean up my own space to move into a new one. Aiesha identifies as a “Black, working class, woman, hetero, over 30 mama.” She’s stunning, the kind of stunning that makes you feel seen, that someone is really witnessing your life, and that is a gift not many folks have yet to embody.
Aiesha is the founder of Super Hussy Media, The Black Girl Project, Okra Stew, and The Adventures of Pecan Tan. She shares that she “ had the domain name Super Hussy for a few years. It's evolved from a somewhat personal blog to what it is now once I finally got the nerve to go for it. My initial motivation was to just have a space on the web.”
When did you create Super Hussy Media? What were your motivations? On the name Super Hussy: “hussy” was my maternal grandmother’s favorite/only swear word. Regardless of your age, if you pissed Nana off and you were a female, you were pretty much a hussy. Now, after looking up the etymology of the word, I found out “hussy” was derived from the German for housewife and began thinking about how patriarchy (particularly the white supremacist brand) twists, labels and misconstrues anything that does not fit into its neat little power structure. Hussy became to be known as a wanton, lascivious, ruthless and sexually promiscuous heathen. Language can be used to both uplift and nourish or belittle and hurt. Any woman who goes against the grain and/or lives by her own rules, not the ones forced upon her, has been labeled something or other (“bitch” and “whore” come to mind) which seeks to minimize who she is in the world. As far as the "super" goes, I've always loved comics, so I might as well be a hero!
Tell us about The Black Girl Project? The Black Girl Project (BGP) is both a documentary film and a non-profit organization. I have worked with young people in New York for over a decade, with the past few years being dedicated primarily to high school students. It was in this work, I began to hear the stories of young women, many of whom were outwardly accomplished, but were dealing with a lot of issues from homelessness to sexual assault and depression. I was lucky enough to be trusted enough by them that they would talk to me. Their lives reminded me of mine as a teen-aged girl. I was highly accomplished academically, but when it came to dealing with issues, many of which were shared with my peers, I turned inward for fear of embarrassment or disappointing my parents. The non-profit is an outgrowth of the film and my commitment to helping young women reach their fullest potential.
BGP.org: The Black Girl Project provides tools, guidance and support for girls to prepare themselves physically, socially, emotionally and culturally for the responsibilities of young adulthood. We confront the issues that most-impact girls head-on all within the context of being a Black female in an ever-changing world. We utilize literature, the arts, individual and group work, along with a host of interdisciplinary modes to help bolster self-esteem, critical thinking and leadership skills.
BGP.com: The Black Girl Project is a documentary film which asks pretty much one question: who are you? Of course that question morphed into other, follow-up questions, but that singular question lies at the heart of the film.
In a culture where Black women and girls are either venerated for their saintly accomplishments which strips them of any other character attribute except that of martyr/mammy, or demonized and used as the fall gal to explain away all that is wrong with the Black community and society-at-large, it is important to hear and see Black girls speak their truths. Traditional media continues to have a problem with realistic, multi-faceted portrayals of Black women and girls, and for that matter, all females of color. It is our hope that the film adds to the discussions about Black women and girls across the country and that it will contribute to a paradigm shift in how they are seen by others and how they see themselves.
The film is dedicated to the memory of Shannon Braithwaite. I met Shannon when she was in 10th grade, in fact, I hired her as an intern for a youth program I coordinated in Brooklyn and had hoped that she would be one of the young women I interviewed.
Shannon was bright, outgoing, feisty, a great dancer and fiercely loyal to her friends and family. She was well-liked by her peers and the adults she interacted with. What I loved most about Shannon was her critical thinking skills. You could always see that she was thinking and she’d pose questions to me out of the blue. She was really a model young woman.
This all ended on a late September evening in 2008, just after Shannon’s 16th birthday, she was brutally murdered by her cousin Tiana Brown, just 15 years old herself.
I’ve sat in on part of the trial, seen the knife that slit Shannon’s throat and stabbed her over 30 times, puncturing her heart. It was because of Shannon’s kindness that Tiana was staying with her and her mom in the first place. A troubled young woman, Tiana had few other options. While the film is dedicated to Shannon, on the flipside, it’s also dedicated to Tiana; all the young women and girls who have been hurt, damaged and have unexplored/unhealed anger, pain and rage.
The film, workshop, seminars, etc. are for all of our girls, dedicated to helping them become the self-actualized people they deserve to be.
Share with us the importance of naming in your media. How is language important to the work and projects you are creating? I define "Black" as folks who are of African descent throughout the Diaspora and who acknowledge their "Blackness" by having some type of social or cultural connection or just awareness of/to their internal "Blackness". This doesn't mean that you are wearing dashikis or celebrating Kwanzaa (though I have no problem with that), but it is recognizing and embracing the fact that you are part of the Diaspora, regardless if you live on the continent of Africa, the Americas, Europe, Asia...wherever.
I define "girl" as simple a female human whether biologically or socially. While your sex is supposed to determine gender, I know that there are folks who have been assigned the sex "male" but in all actually are girls. The lines are blurry, but if you consider yourself a girl, so do I.
What is going on now with The Black Girl Project? (Collaborated response by Aiesha and Bianca) Currently we are fundraising for the educational arm of BGP. We have the trailer of the documentary available for people to watch online, are touring with the documentary screening it at various places all over the US (let me know if you want to screen the documentary at your school or community), and working with community organizations focusing on health and wellness. Our PSA for World AIDS Day called “Prevent, Don’t Manage” featuring some of the young women from the documentary discussing the importance of testing, education, and valuing ourselves as Black women, has been very well received.
We had panel in December 2010 of speakers discussing how HIV/AIDS impacts our community and had one speaker from Love Heals, Kim, a young Black woman born with HIV spoke about her experience growing up positive and her relationships now as a married woman and mother to a one year-old son. She was joined by Carmen Mendoza, Miss Kings County 2011, who is using her platform to discuss reducing the stigma getting tested for HIV.
We’ve just collaborated with Ghylian Bell of Urban Yoga Foundation to create Urban Holistic Girl, a twice-monthly workshop for young women where they can learn yoga, tai-chi and other movement and meditation practices/techniques. In addition, the participants learn healthy ways to create teas, locations and body scrubs to learn how to take care of themselves inside and out. We are meeting on Saturday’s in Harlem at Neighborhood Holistic and the sessions are FREE! Tickets must be reserved though and are on a first-come, first-serve basis. Our next session is Saturday March 12th and 3:30pm. Click here to reserve your ticket.
Fundraising efforts on our Kickstarter page are under way! You can see the many supporters of our work and the important need that we are seeking to fill. More Black girls need to tell their stories and we are seeking to raise the funds to ensure that can occur. Consider donating whatever you can, even if it is your time, sharing this interview, or working to arrange a screening of the documentary!
You may follow Aiesha on Twitter @SuperHussy and The Black Girl Project @blackgirlproj. Stay tuned for part two coming soon where we discuss mamahood, her other projects and media, and her suggestions for texts, training, and equipment for aspiring media makers.
Many readers may know that I write a column on Media Justice at the Amplify Your Voice site, which is supported/led by Advocates For Youth. The site is focused on youth-led writing around sexuality, sexual health, and reproductive justice. The handful of older adults who publish there, like myself, do so on topics affecting youth and providing spaces to have their opinions and ideas shared.
This week on Amplify, staff presented a new series of media-making that I adore. Using actual lesson plans, scripts, expected outcomes and goals of abstinence-only-until-marriage curriculums and programs taught in the United States, staff are creating animated videos. The animated videos are created through a (somewhat) free service called XtraNormal. Check out the first video they have created called “Drink The Spit” below:
As someone who values art in various forms and when community members and providers begin to create their own media, I find this new project exciting. I see this as one way to use the Internet and popular media outlets (YouTube, XtraNormal) to reach out to youth who may not already be connected to the Amplify site. When I first was introduced to the XtraNormal site it was through created animated conversations about instant messages some of my friends were having. They encouraged me to do my own video, which is one of the ways I found out the site is somewhat free, and attempted to create a similar video.
This approach is one I think can be useful for many of us working with youth and with technology. The site XtraNormal allows users to choose from various settings and characters (I picked robots for my trial video), and also provides options for dressing the characters, altering their voices, and choosing their location. These features can be useful tools for also discussing gender identity, roles, and expectations.
When producing and creating our own media, how do we express gender with the options we are provided in the program? In what ways do we choose to represent gender and why are those our motivations? What types of messages do we construct and what is our goal in doing so? These are questions I can see being useful in guiding such an activity as they are also centered in media literacy.
Watching the video above again, I asked myself what were some of the stereotypes I had listening to the animated cartoon bears speaking (that sentence makes me laugh). I assumed the three people that were characters (a daughter, a mother, and the teacher) were all women. The only character I can say I understand to be a woman is the teacher as the pronoun used is “she” and “her.” However, I assumed the student in the scenario was a young woman because of the voice and what looked to me as hair ribbons near the ears. The other character I now realize could be a friend or family member. The clothing sends a gender-neutral vibe and I thought about why I assumed all characters to be women.
There are many reasons I can think of for why I made such assumptions. I think it’s important to share with others that even educators and those of us who practice the skills we wish to teach youth, in this example media literacy, that sometimes we too get “caught up.” The way we have been socialized is still a process to be mindful of, especially when trying to create change.
The way I was socialized led me to the assumption that women speak openly and with one another in such scenarios about sexuality and health. That a parent would be the one who would be surprised/disgusted/frustrated at hearing such a story from a student or young person in their life. However, I know that young people talk with one another often and about the same topics. My first viewing of this video was from the perspective that I bring as an older adult working with youth and I had to remind myself that my perspective is just one, and that others exist and are just as correct and valuable as my own.
I’m hoping there will be at least one new video a week, but for now this is the first one. Check back at Amplify Your Voice to see when new videos are posted.
Media Justice is often something people talk about but find it hard to do. I’ve been fortunate enough to have amazing media makers in my life and wanted to share with you their projects and how you can get involved! I’d like to introduce you to my homeboy, who is a scholar, father, activist, and media maker: Nezua. He is the creator of The Unapologetic Mexican, co-creator/founder of The Sanctuary, creator of News With Nezua and writes fiction and more “personal stuff” online. He agreed to answer some questions about the projects he is a part of, how he came to become a media maker, ways to get YOU involved, and future projects.
Here’s one of Nezua’s most retweeted and shared video of the summer; a documentary of the mock checkpoint created by several activists (including Nezua) at this year’s Netroots Nation which racially profiled “European immigrants and their descendants, and required them to show papers that proved they had a right to trespass on native land.”
News With Nezua | The Illegal Europeans from nezua on Vimeo.
How do you want to be identified (name, title, etc.)
Nezua is my professional and screen name. My given name is Joaquín Ramón Herrera. I am an artist in multiple mediums, including paint, ink, music, word, film, & video.
What identities/social location do you embody? (race, class, gender, sexual orientation, national origin, primary language, ability, age, etc.)
Mexican American male, with Eastern European blood as well (Romanian, German, Polish). I come from poor and scrabbly origins, so while I don’t think of myself as of a “class,” I generally get along easier with others who come from humble beginnings and don’t reek of financial privilege. But I draw no hard lines because life is always surprising you.
I’m generally heterosexual, was born in the city of angels, and speak English mostly. Though I do have certain challenges physically and mentally, I have no “disability” that stands out beyond the normal human condition, and so I do not consider myself “disabled.” (Truth is, I don’t naturally think that way. We all have gifts and curses/challenges—some apparent, some invisible—and that’s how I tend to think about it.)
I am 41 and still get carded far too often for such an old man!
When did you create The Unapologetic Mexican? What were/are your motivations?
I created the blog in May of 2006. My motivations were to stop hiding, stop holding back, and start shouting. I wanted to give my spin on politics and culture, and my people, as I see it and as I live it. I was tired of the lies. And of the stream of derision, unanswered.
I did have very specific goals. I wanted people to be able to Google and find my writings when they looked for commentary on topics that would affect me or that I care about. I wanted to enjoin the conversation, I wanted to find solidarity out there, I wanted to strongly challenge and confront the hate, and I wanted there to be no doubt of my pride in my ethnicity.
Share with us the importance of the naming of your media. How is language important in the projects you create and are a part of?
Language is extremely important. So is naming. Any title should be thought over for a while. Names immediately tell the viewer/reader both how you see the work as well as introduce a framing through which to view the work. Beyond that, they resonate with energy. That matters. That rides along with all the work you do under that name, in that milieu.
Related, language also carries many resonances about power, community, geography, philosophy and politics. We must be aware of this, so that we can consciously craft our energies and messages. If we are not aware, the energy is scattered, uncontrolled, possibly unconscious, and will not only dilute and distract our purpose and power, but like a poorly-wielded laser beam, may strike out and damage where we do not intend.
Finally, though a bit more practical still also very important, we have to consider Google and other search engines when we name things. For example, I chose the name of my blog very carefully (as I do all work that I name) for a few reasons. The vibe (it lets you know right away this ain’t a place you are gonna push your hate around without a fight, and I’ve lived up to that, but I’d like to think it also has a bit of humor to it as well); the ability to show up in search results that involve Mexicans, and I wanted to help the world learn how to spell “apologetic.” ;)
Tell us about The Unapologetic Mexican. (goals, objectives, origins, events, how you define “Mexican,” “Chican@”)
Honestly, I don’t have any more goals for UMX. Then again, I didn’t begin with many, and look what happened! I met a lot of very cool people through writing it, I explored my heritage and what it means to be Xicano in today’s USA. I found work, I entered contests and won (like representing Oregon for MTV’s Street Team 2008 and many others), I won immigration scholarships to attend national conventions, I reinforced other vatos and vatas who needed it, I met community, I received accolades, I influenced newer media makers, I became a person repeatedly asked to speak on certain issues...and I never intended any of that! I simply couldn’t stay quiet anymore. I needed to get my voice out there, and take a stand for gente. The results of speaking from the heart with passion can yield so much, and that’s what happened here.
I define Mexican as someone who is of Mexico. Technically and popularly, the word refers to Mexican Nationals. But I chose the title “Mexican” in my blog because that is the very word and idea that I had shrunk from in my youth. I learned early on, as a child, that it was a word that made people uncomfortable. I stopped answering “Mexico” when people asked “where are you from?” (Actually, I named states like “California” when they asked me that, so they often pressed on with something like “What’s your nationality, though?” meaning “ethnicity,” of course.)
So when I turned ‘round to stand proud, I grabbed the word and owned it. No more flinching. No more lies. No apologies.
Chicano/a (and for newer generations than my father, we use Xican@ and the explanation for that “@” symbol is here) simply means a Mexican American who is political about their culture, and involved in some way in standing up for it.
How do you choose to include various aspects of media in your site/work? How has your site evolved/grown since such inclusion?
I like to use as many tools as I can to communicate. I paint and draw, and often feature this in my News With Nezua videos, as I do my guitar or conga foolery. My site has always featured my forays into digital art, so when I began my News With Nezua series (it was a year August 28 of this month) it seemed a natural way to incorporate other elements. I find this very satisfying! What I also love about blogging is how you are not held to any written standard, and so you can eschew formal journalisticky type writing completely and lapse into poetic shapes if that suits you better. (It often suits me better!)
Here’s the 1 year anniversary video:
As a media maker, what outlets/equipment/training/workshops/tools/etc. do you utilize to create?
Well, it would depend on what media that person wants to use. I have been training in art for quite a long time. That is the sort of thing you simply have an interest in or not. I was also extremely lucky to be able to attend one of the world’s top film schools, and before that I majored in Art as well as Photo in a community college. Aside from this, I use many tools in my free time as I love art. It’s simply been a major, if not the major, interest in my life since I was a boy.
But a lot can be learned by apprenticing. I’m a big believer in the Master/Student relationship, even if you call it something else. Hands-on. By now, I see formal schooling (as far as the degree system, not so much random courses you might take) very much as a scam, even if legitimate and valuable training can be found in those places.
I suggest a budding media maker desiring instruction in their area of interest find approachable living and practicing artists/people she admires, or who make work he admires, and get close to them, let them know. Arrange a way to pay them for their time, or barter. Let them know you are inspired by them and would do a great deal to be able to receive their instruction. Do not ask for free time or help. Any master in an area has put in a lot of time and sweat to gain proficiency. It only tells them that you are ignorant of the work required and lack respect for them to suggest they give it away.
Do not be too proud to do this, to seek a mentor or master in craft. You only hurt yourself and waste years that you could be learning at an accelerated rate.
Tools are dependent on what you want to make. I use pad and pen when conceptualizing a script. I might type it out and print it later if I have ink in my printer (often I don’t!). I use many tools. From computer to microphone (lav mic) to camera, lights, flags, bounce cards, editing software like Final Cut Pro (pretty expensive), congas, guitar, paint, pencil, paper, and so on. But again, I’ve spent decades putting together the package of gear I own. It’s no small endeavor. For those who don’t have decades, talk to someone who has! For those with no cash...stick to writing blogs or drawing with pencil! I’m kidding, but making a point: unfortunately, much media creation requires resources that can cost a lot of money. But there is always a way around that. Start by finding people you can share with or borrow from. They have been there, where you are. They will understand if you can’t afford gear. If they can’t help you directly, they may be able to point you to others who can share. Again, this is where the mentor/master relationship can help you a lot.
Was there a specific event, person, place, artifact, encounter that led you to creating media?
I’d guess the first thing that inspired me to create media aside from art that I draw was my mother, who once handed me a recorder and microphone. I was about five years old. I was absolutely amazed by the functions of a tape recorder. Children are so much more savvy today. My own four-year-old daughter understands the filming process and even shoots her own photos and video with a digital camera. But for me, this was magic—this device that captured events, and stuck your voice to a tape, like mystical flypaper. This, to me, was time traveling. Not much later, I paid a kid in kindergarten 50¢ (my lunch and milk money) to take home his mono tape recorder, but my mother made me give it back. Before I did, I was huddling under a table in class, playing it so low to my ear...watching the little wheels turn. There is no doubt that the cassette recorder started me on my path.
As a teen, I listened back to those early tapes, and this cemented my fascination further. I became obsessed with recording and collecting those recordings, and in my closet now are boxes of cassettes (hundreds of them) from a tape diary that I kept since 18 years old. I used those to make collages of sound, pasting together phone calls, arguments, soliloquies, and random recordings into montages that communicated a point, or were just fun to listen to, with names like “Headcold” and “Shaking the Box” and “Phone-y People.” They were works that lacked a genre to fit into...my father called it audio poetry or something like that and took a couple into his college courses to share with his poetry students. I was about 19 then.
Video cameras were not big on the scene until I was older. At 25 I got a job in a video store, and began playing with their video cameras. The rest is history. ☺
What are some necessary texts, films, images, photography that you think are essential for youth, especially youth of Color, queer youth, and youth who are marginalized in general, to interact with/read/be exposed to? Why these artifacts?
I can’t give you a list (honestly, that would take another day or two to mull over), but I think what is most useful to communicate here is that groups and persons who are not celebrated by the dominant culture (and often are objects of hatred and ridicule by that culture) do, indeed, need to find films that offer an alternate view. I can’t stress this enough.
Film is an incredibly powerful medium, as is Television, as are books. If we see ourselves portrayed as bad people, deviants, or losers, we will accept these roles and fill them. We will accept abuse and we will hate ourselves and find ways to kill ourselves. Slow and fast, and in myriad ways, sometimes hard to discern, but deadly.
This is your world. You were born to tell a story. Tell that story, but first cleanse your mind and heart.
I don’t know about anyone else, but I grew up poisoned in the mind and heart from all the media I absorbed. TV and movies told me that as a male of Mexican descent, I was by necessity criminal, lazy, destructive, hated, stupid, second place if lucky, but more likely simply worthless or dangerous or both. The cleverness and frequency with which this messaging zeroed in on my formative mind and self-image was tantamount to having weaponry trained on you all the young days of your life, and fired into your psyche daily. Why not shy away from your heritage and family and anything related to your ethnicity, if this is how the world sees you? Why not carry that hateful torch and turn it on your own people?
So it is very important for us to create our own literature, our own cinema, our own languages, our own signals and symbols and values. For a few reasons: To reaffirm what we are, in truth. And to clear the path for tomorrow’s leaders, today’s children. To give them a better shot at loving themselves and feeling they own the space they take up, and rightfully so.
But (and I stress this more than once for a reason) first we must make sure we have decolonized our minds as much as possible so that we do not simply pass along the same messages we’ve been trained to see as real. For one thing, you can’t be very original until then. For another, you’ll do harm.
Many people I talk to regularly these days are well aware. But there was a time, perhaps, when most of them were not. For myself, there was a long time I was proficient in technique and hue and line...yet, I was propagating the standing order’s messaging on many things. People who do this often have no idea at all that they’ve been brainwashed. The ideas we propose, the images we create, even when wrong, can feel right, and natural if in line with the dominant culture’s ubiquitous messaging.
So the first step is becoming awake. Once we have become awake, we then must use our skills and power to destroy what feels right and natural to the dominant culture in most if not all cases. We must turn these values on their head. It is our job as conscientious makers to make something new.
Have there been any challenges/obstacles, etc. you’ve encountered in creating your media? Will you share some examples with us?
There’s been more than I can think of right now! Firstly, you have your own resistance. Laziness. Fear. Doubt. Procrastination. Then, you have to deal with the push back you’ll get. Obviously, if you are wrecking things (concepts, values, ideas, words) that the standing order considers valid and valuable, (things like racist lenses, sexist lenses, etc) then you are going to feel the full fury of those who would die to defend that order. And over time, coming from many angles, and often with a murderous and ugly shape, this can wear you down. So you have to learn to take good care of yourself. That is why many of my videos incorporate the message of tending your soul, enjoying days or moments of pause; of rest, beauty, stillness, and healing. That is directly related to the pushback I get, as well as the overall energy of reading and thinking about the ugly forces in play today.
What support systems help you cope with frustration, challenges, obstacles, etc. as a Mexican/Male-identified/Father media maker?
Dance. Music. Whiskey. A few close friends (people of color) who are political, with whom I can talk to. I train in Taekwondo 4 – 5 days a week and this lets me channel a whole lot of energy, as well as discipline my wild self. And moments of meditation or otherwise connecting to the plasma state, the core, the unchanging, the rejuvenating spring that flows within all of us.
Aside from that, I’m a very willful person! I know how to get through. I know how to keep going. And I know, too, how to let go and walk away. I grew up with many forces trying to either hurt me or shut me down. This has been my path. I could tell stories that would last all night. But the bottom line is I’ve been there for me, and I’ve known me at my lowest and highest moments, and I’ve learned to give myself love and care. So I trust myself and the impulses I might have, despite who approves or not. This is an audacity we must adopt if we are to not only survive, but survive whole.
How has being a father, educator, partner, writer impacted the work you do and are planning to do/create?
Everything I have done and am influences what I make. The “how” of that would take a very long time to lay out, obviously! It’s a broad question. But I’d say in general that the more situations one is in, the richer her work will be.
What time management strategies/advice can you share with us about creating media and also finding time for yourself/family/friends?
I’m perhaps a bad person to ask about this! I am disproportionately skewed toward my art. I value it over most relationships, and there’s evidence of this in my life. Relationships I’m still learning about. In fact, I’m learning a lot about them recently. And that’s good. As long as I’m growing in my art and in my self, I’m happy about my life on earth.
On making time for me: I get lost in the world of self very often and easily. My “self” is my art, so there’s no problem there. That isn’t meant to sound pretentious....the state I enter when creating is a blissful, in-the-now, ego-free state. So I don’t need to “make time for me.” But I do need to make time for being lazy! I don’t have enough lazy time in my life. This is one of the possible downfalls when you are doing what you love to do for money. It’s easy to work yourself very very hard. Too hard.
But when I can find moments, I sit in front of the TV, watch spooky movies or Kung Fu flicks, and sip on a beer or something.
Are there upcoming projects you are planning?
I am the Creative Director of a brand new software company based in Vancouver, B.C. It is called Digital Stoneworks and I work with a handful of extremely intelligent, conscious, and fun vatos. We are working on our first iPhone/iPad game for children, and it’s called Garden Day. We don’t have a site or any materials to pass around quite yet, but those will be coming soon. I’m very excited about this team, and the work we are doing. As I said earlier, we have to be there for children, children of color, and for the young women of color and we need to replace the toxic stories and images offered them in so much of the current media. So this agenda and this type of thinking drives our work. We’re just getting off the ground, but as soon as I have a site or other ways of connecting to or supporting our efforts and products, I’ll drop you a line.
Where can people find you on the web, social media?
You can read my political blog (which is where all my News With Nezua vids appear, as well as the rare piece of writing I do anymore) at http://theunapologeticmexican.org/elmachete
You can find only the News With Nezua videos at http://bit.ly/NewsWithNezua
You can read my longwinded and pretentious Twitter page here, and decide if you want to hop on board.
Also, note at my blog that in the upper right corner is an array of social media buttons, where you can find Tumblr, Flickr, Facebook accounts and more.
What else would you like to share with us?
Thank you for asking me these questions, and for sharing my ideas with others.
