Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Lesson 31: Lessons Learned as a LatiNegra Sexologist

Lesson:

Not everyone's ideas of freedom or liberation are the same.

Life Lesson:

I know it's devastating to realize, yet it's important that you do.  We all have different ideas of what is freedom and liberation. Not everyone will agree. What you'll have to do is decide how to move towards what you desire in a way that does not harm or oppress others. Your liberation and freedom cannot be granted at the hurt, murder, incarceration, medical abuse, lack of basic needs, removal of love, pleasure, or compassion of others.

Sometimes you won't always realize what this means. Sometimes you may be called out because your ideas of liberation and freedom are hurting others or don't take into account their lived realities. It is ok when your ideas of liberation and freedom change and shift. This is something that will happen as you transform, evolve, un/learn. Don't run from this, it is part of your growth.

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Thanks to everyone who read, commented, shared, and supported this writing for Latinx Heritage Month. I was challenged and vulnerable as I shared many of these lessons and the things that brought me to understand them. I also wrote them as a journal entry to myself, how I speak to myself at times of learning, healing, pain, coping, discomfort, liberation. I'm considering creating these in a zine/book format to distribute (for a small fee) to help me raise some funds and support other projects I'm working on, specifically The LatiNegrxs Sexuality Survey (which if you haven't taken it there's still time to do so! I'm also open to critique/feedback/and changes as I know it's not perfect!). 

For inquiries or to hire bi visit her site or email bianca@biancalaureano.com 

Read Lessons 1-10, Lessons 11-20, Lesson 21, Lesson 22, Lesson 23, Lesson 24, Lesson 25, Lesson 26, Lesson 27, Lesson 28, Lesson 29, Lesson 30



Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Giveaway & Review: Stronic Drei Pulsator by Fun Factory

I told ya'll more reviews and giveaways were coming our way! This time I'm all about offering luxury sex toys to folks who deserve them: and that's all of us! Sure, some of us may be able to afford them on our own, but others of us, could never dish out $200 for a sex toy. So, enter this sex toy giveaway of the Stronic Drei. Check out this video below and then read my review.

So, it's been about a month or more since I received my Stronic Drei to review. Let me say, it's been difficult to focus on writing this. I'm already best friends with my toy and I'm greedy and territorial about it too!

The video is a great introduction and primer for your toy. There is very little language/words in the pamphlet and mostly instructions via images. This was a bit tricky for me to follow. I did a lot of trial and error before figuring out how it worked. I even had to look up other sites that reviewed the toy to understand how to get it to work! Yet, it's accessible and user friendly.

First, you'll notice the packaging, it's beautiful and Eco-friendly. My Stronic Drei is blue and just holding it in my hand was erotic. The lines and crafting, curves of the pulsator are brilliant. I often am worried that the controller of the toys are too heavy and will be a challenge to use by myself as they will tip out, you know gravity isn't always on our side.

The great thing about the Stronic Drei is that it does not require batteries, which often lead to the heavy base. Instead, it is the future of sex toys! It is rechargeable through an outlet or through the computer. It is also magnetic in that nothing plugs into the toy, so be careful you have both magnetic pieces touching the parts that it needs to touch. You'll see the red light as outlined in the pamphlet when it's properly connected.

Your first initial charging will take over 10 hours, 16 to be exact. This, for me, meant I had to plug it into an outlet because I take my laptop around with me. But the good thing was I plugged it in when I woke up and by the time I was ready to relax and get settled at the end of the day it was charged. This is just a one time charge to my knowledge. Also, what better way to really bring home the self-care rituals that help me relax and experience pleasure?!

Like many rechargeable toys, this one you can tell it needs recharging when the pulsating gets less intense. However, there are over 5 different pulsating effects, intensity, and sensations. The images in the pamphlet demonstrate the intensity and vibrations of each sensation. They are actually pretty on point too!

So the pulsating is really dynamic. I've experienced nothing like it with a crafted item. It really is worth the price tag! Do you feel like a cyborg if you are the one using it on a partner? Do you reach the right areas for which you are searching? You'll have to decide on your own. But what I can offer you is my honesty that comes with my realization that caring for myself, centering my pleasure, has always had positive consequences.

Make sure to clean your item as suggested in the pamphlet. Consider using a condom for easier clean up, and if you choose to share this toy with partner(s) as you may use it in an anus or vaginal canal. 

The best part of this toy: you have the opportunity to get your own, for FREE direct from the manufacturer! What better way to wrap up Latinx Heritage Month?!

You have a change to win your own Stronic Drei! Here's what you need to do:

1. Follow @LatinoSexuality on Twitter
2. Follow @FunFactoryUSA on Twitter
3. You must be following BOTH accounts to be considered for the giveaway. Do this by Friday October 17, 2014
4. Tweet/retweet about the giveaway*
5. Be open to writing your own review of your experience with the Stronic Drei
6. If you win, you'll need to provide your government name, address (no PO Boxes)
7. Enjoy!

*Winners will be randomly selected based on their retweets which include both twitter handles for @LatinoSexuality and @FunFactoryUSA. Winners announced Friday October 17, 2014 by 10pm EST.

Of course, you don't have to enter to win, instead you can purchase your own right now

Lesson 30: Lessons Learned as a LatiNegra Sexologist

Lesson:

There are consequences to standing on the side of justice.

Life Lesson:

Often these consequences are positive and affirming. Other times they may be negative. Sometimes there are no consequences. Either way, it's important to keep this in mind. When you stand on the side of justice, have convictions, beliefs, values, and goals rooted in love, compassion, and humanity, folks will not always agree with you or your approaches.

Hate and oppression are powerful. They may sometimes be very intimidating to go up against. But when you remind yourself of all the love surrounding you, of the power you embody, and approach each situation from compassion and love, you have already persevered.

You'll remind students of this when you encourage them to stay rooted in their convictions of what they belief is just.  For example, when we speak of misogyny you'll remind students that there are consequences to challenging that system and we have so many examples from the language we use on a daily basis or to hurt others, to murder, to how law enforcement engages with survivors of rape, domestic violence, and the like.

Then you will remind students that there are consequences for the people who identify as men or who embody and embrace some/any forms of masculinity and also work to end/challenge misogyny. The ways some target those individuals, how some make them feel unsafe, how folks question their sexual orientation, their goals, their ability to remain in group contact even when they are speaking to their community members from a place of love and compassion.

Folks do not always enjoy being challenged. Sometimes folks respond to that in various ways, they may feel attacked by a call out, but do not realize the gift that is being shared with them. Other folks may move into the compassion and choose to un/learn what they have been taught or hold onto that harms and oppresses others. The important thing, is that when that person, or you, choose to learn from the discomfort, then healing and change may emerge.

There are consequences, and that is not always a negative thing; it is just a reality. When you realize this and you still choose to stand on the side of justice, you have already decided where you belong.

For inquiries or to hire bi visit her site or email bianca@biancalaureano.com   

Monday, October 13, 2014

Lesson 29: Lessons Learned as a LatiNegra Sexologist

Lesson:

Rejection is painful sometimes. Yet, every time, that rejection is the universe helping you dodge a bullet!

Life Lesson:

It's difficult to really see past the pain the rejection brings sometimes. It may feel overwhelming, never ending, constant, consistent. As one of your supervisors told you in a meeting: "this may be your right now, but this is not your next." 

So much to learn in the rejection. The first thing is to remember rejection is not always a sign that you are a failure or have failed. Rejection is about coming closer to what you need to build and create for yourself. To come closer to your life's purpose. To that happiness you seek and want to bask in for the rest of this life. The rejection is moving you in a different direction.

The idea of "dodging a bullet" when it comes to rejection is very real for you sometimes. You can see how things evolve months or years later in a way that does not stunt your growth and transformation. That's the relief that comes with this realization. Sure it's painful at times, you feel the loss, the vacancy, the loneliness. And with time you will realize the loss is making room for more amazing goodness, that had you held onto that loss you would not have the space for all the goodness. The vacancy that reminds you there is something missing, that you are without, but really that's often a feeling of needing to come inward, to look deep inside as to what is missing. Oftentimes your daily needs are met. It's something else that is not filling you and you know what it may be when you look. That loneliness is not unique to you either. It may feel so, but you are not the first, nor the last, to feel lonely. Plus, folks love you and would happily spend time with you!

All those jobs you were (and will be) rejected from. It's because you know you are supposed to be working on that feature-length documentary, building the family you've always wanted (no matter how untraditional), minimizing distractions to complete the work you've already done and that brings you joy, looking for funding to support your independent research, taking care of your body without distractions, getting the rest you need, supporting your community, building the spaces you need and want in this world. The list is endless as to what that rejection really offers you.

Don't see the rejection as failure, see it as opportunity. As the reminder you have more to do that may be beyond your understanding, but what you need will come to you when you do the work you need and love to do. Don't let rejection dim your shine. There's no time for any of that. You've got too much to share and create.

For inquiries or to hire bi visit her site or email bianca@biancalaureano.com 

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Lesson 28: Lessons Learned as a LatiNegra Sexologist

Lesson:

There is something to learn in discomfort.

Life Lesson:

Especially if this discomfort comes while listening to a lecture, something that has challenged you. You realized this late in the game. Your initial response to the discomfort was to react in a way that was sometimes distracting to what the lesson could be for you. Sometimes you got so upset you had to remove yourself.

Those are lessons. There are some forms of discomfort that you must physically remove yourself from (if you are able to). There are others that bring an immediate reaction to that is negative. After all, being uncomfortable makes many of us not happy. It's not pleasant to experience, especially in a public space where others may see you. You learn about your boundaries, your triggers, and what you need to do to take care of yourself.

You may also learn about what you need to unlearn. What you've believed to be one singular truth, may not be challenged. And that you must sit with and process. If it is uncomfortable to hear of something that challenges a way you've been taught, it is ok to sit with that discomfort and figure out where the root of that discomfort stems from. Sometimes it's not because of the information given or who the messenger may be. Instead it is often about how you feel like you've been lied to, hoodwinked, sold something that was false.

It is also ok to share that you are uncomfortable. Claim what your body, mind, and spirit are sending you. Be transparent, as you may not be the only one. Speaking of your discomfort may also be healing for you or others.

You've had strong physical reactions to discomfort as well. Sometimes these are physically painful and you must remove yourself from the space. This is ok too. As your energy healer once asked you: "if the pain returns, what would you say to the pain?" Think about what you want that pain to know if it does return. What can you learn about that pain and how to ease from it and learn to. How may you choose to protect yourself from this pain in ways that still leave you open enough to build?

You will remind your students of this lesson too. That when they learn of structural, institutional, systemic forms of oppression they will experience discomfort. That warm feeling that embodies you and creeps through your entire being is real! Taking deep breaths will help bring some calm. It may also help you ask yourself "what am I reacting to? Why is this reaction so strong?" These are important questions.

Feelings of discomfort do not mean you have failed. It is something many of us experience. It means you are human. It represents a learning experience. Learn from the discomfort. Let it transform you in a healing way.

For inquiries or to hire bi visit her site or email bianca@biancalaureano.com 

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Lesson 27: Lessons Learned as a LatiNegra Sexologist

Lesson:

Try not to compare your accomplishments to others accomplishments. You complete what you need to when you need to.

Life Lesson:

In a world and at a time when folks are so invested in being published, having TED talks, making 6 figures; you have to remember these are not your goals. You don't want to publish a book, promote it, have folks critique your writing (been there done that). (Yet, let's be honest you will write a book because nobody is writing what needs to be said to save the lives of young Black girls and girls of Color in the US about sex/uality the way you can and will!) Your strengths lie in editing and critiquing.

You don't want to do a TED talk, everyone has one, but you don't need one. You got video of you doing presentations on.your.own.terms. Homies offered to video you, do the sound, and give you the product, for free because they believe in you! You don't have to follow the wack rules of some organization that gives everyone a TED talk. If you wanted one you'd have it, we all know this, so do you! You already do. Plus, you too busy making feature-length documentaries that will change the world and conversation! Nobody's TED talk has done that.

About that 6 figures.... You know, you are not a capitalist. You are a survivalist. You don't need money that is in that amount. You just want some comfort and food security. You want to be able to help your homies when they are in need. Maybe start a scholarship fund, fund the Women of Color Sexual Health Network, The LatiNegr@s Project, and help your family. Other than that, the rest is extra you don't really need. You don't mind doing the work you love for a livable wage.

So when you see folks getting published off your work, using your organizations and shine as stepping stones, it's not that you are not successful or accomplished. It's that your shine is so bright others can thrive off of it and find what they need. Now, THAT'S SOME POWERFUL STUFF. You are powerful, remember? Your accomplishments are your own and nobody can take them away!

For inquiries or to hire bi visit her site or email bianca@biancalaureano.com   

Friday, October 10, 2014

Lesson 26: Lessons Learned as a LatiNegra Sexologist

Lesson:

It's ok to rest.

Life Lesson:

Give yourself permission to rest.  You deserve it. You have earned it. You need to rest to do the work you want to do. Listen to your body. Trust yourself. Prioritize your rest. See it as self-care. Get some rest.

For inquiries or to hire bi visit her site or email bianca@biancalaureano.com