Friday, January 6, 2017

Let's talk about sex and reproductive justice! Webinar

Tuesday January 10, 2017 1:00PM -2:30PM EST
We should each make our own decision about who we have sex and build relationships with and hae the info and support to manage our reproductive health. Together we can combat stigma and move towards sex positivity to ensure that we can create the healthy and empowered sex ives we want for ourselves. Follow the conversation at #RJ2017.

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Explore More Online Summit January 28, 2016

I'm excited to join Dawn Serra's Explore More Online Summit

I'm one of 30 experts speaking at the Explore More Summit. There are seven other WOCSHN members who are speaking as well!

It's a free online summit that is all about exploring your more: in the bedroom, in your relationships, and in your life. 

There are talks on navigating jealousy, opening your relationship, building intimacy, exploring kink, overcoming diet culture, radical self-care, cyber infidelity, trauma, how to talk dirty, somatic healing, tantra, processing feelings, loving your body exactly as it is now, and so much more.

It all starts January 28th and runs for 10 days, but if you register early you get a free workbook full of prompts, questions, and quotes from all 30 talks. 

Oh! And there's a private Facebook group where you can have all kinds of great conversations and ask questions if you're ready to explore your more.

You can check it out and sign-up here! And, tell your friends. 

Monday, January 4, 2016

#FemmesOver35 Represent!

This is a historical and archival piece to document the evolution of the #FemmesOver35

I never thought I'd be someone who would find a hashtag important, yet the past several years I've seen how hashtags are a new form of media making and community. As an educator for the past 20 years, I've been excited to learn what youth have to share and to swap the expected roles in the classroom.

As I learn the new apps like Snapchat, Instagram, Periscope, and the new updates/layout for Tumblr, it's femmes of color who have shown me the way to practice and stay connected. It was from the use of the #FemmesOfColorVisibility on IG (Instagram) that I began to explore more what was possible in this space that seemed much like what early Tumblr set out to create: a microblogging space centered on images.

Most of the summer of 2015 I spent with two femmes of color: Bilen and Leah. We decided we would try to meet weekly for Femmes Over 35 dates in the city. It's a new kind of struggle to be single (as two of us were), media makers, queer femmes of color, working class, and children of immigrants, and building a life as an aging femme who doesn't have strong health insurance, money saved, or a skill/craft which folks will pay us what we are worth.

I find myself in this odd space of being an aging femme, a femme elder in many of our circles. At a time when our femme elders do not live beyond 40, die of preventable cancers like cervical cancer, are murdered, who do we have to seek support and advice from? How do we build community with elders if they are not surviving? I needed to change that because I realized in my 20s I never considered needing to see aging femmes of color. It never occurred to me that I would miss us, that I could imagine a life after 30, it seemed so far away. And now, here I am over 35, almost 40, and I don't see much of us.

When I first used the #FemmesOver35 hashtag it was June 23, 2015, the evening that Janet Mock received the inaugural José Estaban Muñoz Award from CLAGS: The Center for LGBTQ Studies at CUNY (of which I amon the board). I had attended the event with my homegirl Bilen. We were shy as we ate cheese and crackers figuring out when a good time to take a selfie with Janet Mock would emerge. As we walked to the subway together, Bilen and I shared our adoration of the evening.
A photo posted by Bi (@latinegrasexologist) on
When I posted the image of the three of us on IG and wrote "And then this happened tonight. #femmesofcolorvisibility #femmesover35" it began. Almost every post since then I've shared has included this hashtag. I added this hashtag during a time when I had been broken by an ex, not heartbroken, not in pain, but fully and completely broken. Every part of what I knew about myself had been cracked, shattered, and displaced. Documenting my life was part of a larger process of coming back to myself. It is still a process. During that process I thought a lot about what I could do to make the pain end permanently. I didn't have a plan, but I did have that option on the table as one choice. Some may say all the other options are better than a permanent one, and that may work for some. But when you are lonely, and I mean nobody is coming over to see you because you live so far away, or all your friends are at that mid-level career step up to senior that they are working their tails off so they can't caretake or talk, and hungry for affection and touch, someone to help remind you those pieces of you that feel so tender and sharp; they mean you are still alive right now. To feel this way is to feel alive at times.

That's what I tell myself. Sometimes I believe it more often than others. Other times I know it to be true through and through. Each foto that i post that uses the hashtag is one that I say to the world "Today I chose to be here and live this life."

Since then there have been 105 posts from mostly my femme of color community: Bilen, Amita, and Laura Luna. The fotos have more femmes of color in them like Jess, Cherry, Leah, my mom, Mollena, Trina, and the folks who we spend our time loving.

The hashtag is unapologetically queer, femme, of color, over 35, sexy, fly, brilliant, fat, strong, courageous, fantastic, and challenging all the stereotypes about what and how #femmesover35 look, feel, and live. We are shape shifters, we are survivors, we are community, we are aging, and we are here.

Maybe some media outlet will cover the hashtag, maybe not. That's not the goal in making our own media. I post this so folks know what to look for and how to find us. It's important to know we exist, we are seen, and we are affirmed. Maybe when the hashtage gets over a thousand fotos folks begin to pay more attention, until then I know my femme of color community is watching and posting! We made this what we need it to be.

#FemmesOver35 Represent!

Thursday, November 26, 2015

Bi's 2015 year [Updated Daily]

A lot has happened in 2015. I accepted a full-time position that took me away from writing and sharing reviews for a while as I became acclimated to the work and position. But I never stopped writing, see below for the big book I've written and how you can get your hands on it!

I've had a lot of up and down this year, but when I feel down I look back at all I've accomplished this year. Here are the items I can recall and want to include in my legacy/archive. Hope you enjoy!


No more cancerous cells on my cervix!


  • Taught my first webinar: Demystifying LatiNegra Sexualities via ISEE
  • Spent the month in NOLA helping a friend recover from cancer
  • My interview on Cervivor TV discussing sex and sexuality after cancer was featured


  • Attended the Cleveland International Film Festival for work and welcomed the trans community to view the film
  • Met an online friend in Cleveland of several years for the first time, Justin
  • Completed teaching a 4 week online course on Using Media in the Social Justice Classroom with Bank Street College of Education.



  • The Academy of Adolescent Health awarded WOCSHN our first award and it's for social justice!



  • I turned 37 and it was the first birthday without speaking to my mother. She is dying of Alzheimer's. I celebrated in NOLA.
  • NPR interviewed me for a conversation on Sexuality Education featuring my homegirl Lena Solow, an amazing white sex educator who gets and practices racial and economic justice!
  • I built with some amazing WOC on a grant to make online violence targeted toward us end


  • I finished writing a book, a curriculum of 13 lesson plans called What's the REAL DEAL about Love and Solidarity? that centers young Black femmes. You can purchase it until the end of 2015 for $200 and it comes with 3 short films written by youth and directed by Hollywood directors that center the curriculum. It is rooted in social emotional learning, aligns with the common core state standard in ELA, and is a call to action for educators and youth: who do you want to be and what world do you want to live in?

  • WOCSHN won the Catalyst Award from Catalyst Con West for our work towards racial justice in the US sexuality field


  • I presented at the first ever Association of Black Sexologists and Clinicians conference in Philidelphia, PA representing my personal work on the LatiNegrxs Sex Survey, discussing the work we've accomplished at the Women of Color Sexual Health Network (WOCSHN), and representing my full-time job, which won an award for one of our short films centering a young Black trans student.
  • I was on a panel about Latinx activism at La Casa Azul bookstore in Harlem discussing my work with The LatiNegrxs Project and being a femme elder
  • I shared some narratives from The LatiNegrxs sex Survey at a AfrxLatinx reading event in Harlem at the Schomburg Center for Latinx Heritage Month
  • I created a list of Resources for Black trans people and communities 



  • My AASECT Certification as a Sexuality Educator came in the mail December 24, 2015.
  • My interview with Dawn Serra (link forthcoming) discussing WOCSHN, BLACK PERVERT, and being in the field.
  • Student responses to my curriculum have come in by those whose educators implemented it and the responses are amazing! So affirming!

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Presenting at Rutgers November 12, 2015

At 8pm join me if you can! Free and open to the public. 604 Bartholomew Road.  

I'll be presenting new never seen before. Lips of the feature length documentary film BLACK PERVERT centering the stories of Black Latinx/LatiNegrxs


I'm thankful for my paraguard IUD (the non-hormonal option that lasts 9+ years) because growing up in a family of Puerto Rican women who remember the original birth control pill trials at home and how some women died, hormonal methods have scared me. I have an instantly effective long term non hormonal option that gives me power with my body not just over it. My IUD allows me to enjoy my body and sexual experiences with my partners because pleasure for women of color is essential.

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Review & Giveaway: Minna Limon

Just in time for showing yourself some love this month here is our first review and giveaway for 2015! Minna Life, a tech organization with the belief that "technology should make the world less complicated," has generously offered one of their many luxury, high-tech products to a LatinoSexuality reader...for FREE! Details below after my review.

Now, the Limon looks just like it sounds (especially for our Latinx and Spanish speaking readers): a lemon. It fits in the palm of your hand, comes in 2 different colors (mine is pink), is rechargeable, waterproof, offers a variety of vibrations, and is programmable to the vibration and pulsation you set! This is really the future of sex toys and it is incredibly exciting to witness and experience.

One of the first things that made me instantly fall in love with Limon was that it came 100% charged out of the box! I know some folks may not understand how important this is, after all there are many great toys that you just have to plug in and enjoy, or add batteries and go for it. However, my experience with luxury sex toys has been they come completely under-charged; which means it could take hours (and in one of the last reviews up to 16 hours) for the initial charge. This is ridiculous, to be honest, I mean this is the future! Why do we have to wait 16 hours for a toy to charge?

In any event, that is not the case with Limon. I figured it wouldn't be so when I opened the cylinder box holding the toy (yes even the box is posh). Inside the Limon will greet you with the pointed part facing upward. Remove the toy and underneath is the charger, cord, instruction manual (in various languages), and a carrying pouch. The charging dock is easily plugged into an outlet or your USB on the computer or another charging plug. When the Limon is fully charged you will see a red light appear in a particular way, when it is needing to be charged you see the light reflect this as well.

Realizing that the Limon was ready to go so was I! It took me a moment to read over the manual, but not too long as there are many images and clear directions on how to care for the product and use it, especially the recording feature.

The vibrations and sequence of which you may choose among are a good variety. They gradually become more and more intense with various pulsating components. Honestly, I went straight for recording my favorite vibrations before trying what they all offered. At this point, I know what I dig and what is not strong enough for my tastes. If you are new to such luxury toys I would encourage you to take some time with each vibration and get focused on what you want the Limon to remember as your recorded vibration and pulsation.

The results were great! I really am impressed something that fits in the palm of my hand, that I can sneak into so many different spaces, but also not too loud (a huge thing for strong vibrations), and waterproof is so powerful, posh, easy to clean, and keep. I was concerned about traveling with the Limon, that if I packed it in a suitcase or carry on that even if I put it on the off setting it would be pressed and result in the vibrations occurring. However that did not happen. Also, I was able to see if the vibrations lasted a certain amount of time, and they last long enough, about 4 hours, before I needed to recharge.

The only challenges or downsides of the Limon is that if you want something that offers vibrations in a variety of body parts, this is smaller and won't be able to cover a ton of space. However, if you into certain parts of your body to focus upon, this is a great option. The other challenge is the price, for sale at $119, it's an investment. Now, sometimes we don't always have this kind of money to invest in our sexual pleasure or sex lives. In many ways this makes me angry and frustrated. Not just those with disposable income or wealth deserve sexual pleasure, we all do!

That is why I'm happy to share that the folks at Minna Life have offered a giveaway of the Limon to Latino Sexuality readers! Here's how it works to be considered for the prize:

1. Make sure you follow Latino Sexuality on twitter @LatinoSexuality
2. Make sure you follow Minna Life on twitter @Minna_Life
3. In less than 2 tweets of 140 characters or less, tell me why you want to try the Limon
4. This will be a challenge as you'll need to @ both of us in your tweet as your tweet is your entry
5. You may tweet to us as many reasons as you like to increase your chances of winning this free luxury high-tech toy!
6. I will select folks using a random number selector
7. You will need to send me a mailing address (no PO boxes) so that the Minna Life team can ship your item
8. If you wish, consider writing a review about your Limon experience and share on social media!

Send in your items by Friday at midnight EST. I'll select the winning (self) lover and announce February 14, 2015!

Looking forward to hearing all the ways you will advocate for your sexual pleasure and self care! Good luck!