Cervical Cancer, Relationships and Divorce

Cross posted from my RH Reality Check blog

I was recently reading an article at The Daily Beast that discussed 15 signs of divorce. Written by Anneli Rufus who found research that has been published mostly in peer reviewed journals her article “15 Ways To Predict Divorce” piqued my interest as someone who studies intimate sexual relationships among communities of Color. Of the last several items listed was this: “If you've been diagnosed with cervical cancer, your likelihood of getting divorced is 40 percent higher than standard rates; it's 20 percent higher if you've been diagnosed with testicular cancer.” I found this especially specific and went to look at the original research article. What was most fascinating to me was this sentence: “Perhaps the most relevant factor, Syse proposed, is that cervical and testicular cancers mostly affect younger people.”

I wondered what this meant with regards to youth, relationships, and ideas of family. I then started to wonder what the women in my life who have survived cervical cancer would think about this information. Would they have a different take, approach, experience? I had never thought there would have been only one cancer for men and women that would be the most devastating to a marriage. My perceptions were that any type of cancer would be devastating and a challenge. I have witnessed my aunt, the only aunt I was raised with as the rest of my entire family lives on the mainland of Puerto Rico, survive her breast cancer diagnosis last year. Several of my friends have had parents and other close family members who have also been diagnosed with cancer. And then I know very well two women who both have survived cervical cancer. I immediately sent them both a note.

Several years ago I met survivor, journalist, and activist Tamika Felder through a college friend. Tamika, a cervical cancer survivor who was diagnosed in 2001 and had a radical hysterectomy when she was 25, was looking for dedicated people to help her build and sustain a non-profit organization dedicated to educating all people about cervical cancer and HPV. Tamika wanted the organization to most especially provide survivor support in various capacities and work with/educate men. We hit it off and I became the Director of Sexual Health and Education for the organization several of us co-founded: Tamika & Friends, Inc. a national organization.

Since Tamika & Friends, Inc. was established we created House Parties of fiVe (HPV Parties), which incorporated grassroots efforts and communal testimonies as a form of education. These were a huge success and remain one of T&Fs many forms of education and outreach. T&F also planned and executed the first Walk for Cervical Cancer. The first walk was in Washington, DC and today there are chapters and walks in New York City, Atlanta, Charlotte, North Carolina, and Columbia, South Carolina.

As I moved to New York City I had to give up my position as Director of Sexual Health and Education yet have remained active in some capacities. There is a New York City Chapter that has been recently established under the leadership of Patti Murillo-Casa, a survivor of cervical cancer. It was Patti and Tamika that I emailed about this story/finding.

Both Patti and Tamika were not surprised and had heard of this statistic. They both discussed the stigma attached, and for both of them this statistic was discouraging. Patti was diagnosed with cervical cancer after she was married. Tamika has not been married and has a different interaction with the finding. Patti and Tamika agreed to have me share with you their stories and their comments we had about this statistic.

Patti was the first to respond to my note and shared that she had heard of the statistic and that Tamika often talks about it and had recently done so in a Summit earlier this year. She writes: “Fortunately for me my guy has become more gentler and patient with me.” She shares how the intimate and sexual experiences with her partner after her diagnosis and treatment resulted in them finding “a new normal.” Patti even shared that she enjoys her experiences with her husband even more now, post-cancer. She and her husband have created an experience together that is more “tender and gentle” and I interpreted this as them honoring and sharing one another’s bodies in ways they had not before.

Hearing Patti’s testimonio warmed my heart and made me smile. It still does! She not only offers a narrative that challenges stereotypes around "machismo" in the Latino community, but also that expands our understanding of Latino families and relationships in general.

Tamika shared that she always, every time she speaks, talks about this statistic.She shared that “[cervical and] testicular cancer patients/survivors have the highest incidence of divorce. So sad for me. I already had man problems before cancer!”

When I read Tamika’s testimony and commentary it reminded me of the process of healing and coping and how this is a life long experience. Finding someone who you trust and believe will honor your healing is crucial and difficult to find, and I say that as someone who is single and dating, it’s hard! I felt the exact same way when Tamika asked me to write an article for the website on scars and how to cope with our scars as survivors of anything that has left us with a physical scar. As women, our scars and scarring may be different to accept in comparison to some scars that people who identify as men may cope with accepting.

I’d love to hear what survivor’s thoughts are about this statistic, and what the lived realities are as survivors. There are many ways that Tamika’s story and experiences intersect with some of the common statistics about Black women who are single, which my homegirl Omi calls “The Black Love Crisis” and rarely, if ever is surviving cancer included in those discussions!

If you are in New York City I encourage you to join us for the Walk for Cervical Cancer. You may register here. If you are interested in getting involved in various ways, finding support for a survivor in your life, learning more about HPV, finding information on what to do as the partner of someone who is diagnosed with HPV or cervical cancer, or interesting in starting a chapter in your state visit the Tamika & Friends, Inc. website.

Latino Sexuality Round UP

The week is coming to an end but there are TONS of things going on! If you are in NYC please try to make it out to one of these events. If you are somewhere else please check out the links, see if you can make a donation, or enjoy the articles from this week!

My homegirl Maegan La Mamita Mala Ortiz is reading her poetry this evening at Bluestockings. Readings begin at 7pm and are FREE!

Three things occurring this weekend and I hope you can pick one and go!

1. Walk to Beat The Clock for Cervical Cancer
I'm going to be there will you? Event begins at 8:30am

2. NY Coalition for Abortion Clinic Defense Training
I'm going to try real hard to make this after the walk! If you are able to provide clinic defense for women who need care but are blocked by anti-choice protesters, please help! This is a center in the South Bronx, you know what that means: families of Color, working class people, OUR community needs us!

3. The Doula Project in NYC Fundraiser
As many of you know I am an abortion doula and this is the organization I work with. This is very near and dear to my heart. If you can support the fundraising events pelase go, or make a donation!

Are you a fan of True Blood? If so check out all of the writings on True Blood this week on the site I write for: In The Culture. Here's my piece on Latina Vampire Isabella, the most powerful woman of Color on the show who instantly is written off the storyline when she gains power! hmmmm.

My homegirl GoddessJaz tweeted this story "Body Worlds plans corpses sex exhibition" asking if we think it's creepy, art, science? I wondered when I read the article, is this consensual sex? What say you? Let's also not forget that there is remains concern regarding how the bodies were obtained.

Walk To Beat The Clock

I'm a founding member of Tamika & Friends, Inc, an organization dedicated to educating people about HPV and ending cervical cancer (caused by HPV).

The 2nd Annual Walk for Cervical Cancer in NYC is next Saturday September 19, 2009 at 8:30am. If you are in the area or are interested in attending please join us!



I will be there and so will my homegirl Andrea (AJ) Plaid as we both attended last year.

Register here.

If you want to attend but cannot afford the registration fee or want to make a smaller donation please contact me bianca@nyc.com or leave a comment here with your contact information.


Read my article on the T&F site about Scars: The Wounds of Warriors And Suvivors.

Scars, Walks, Friends

I wrote an article for an organization that is near and dear to me: Tamika & Friends, Inc. I was one of a fabulous group of women who co-founded the organization which is dedicated to eliminating cervical cancer through HPV education and prevention.

My current article is called Scars: The Wounds of Warriors & Survivors.

Tamika & Friends is also organizing their 2nd Annual Walk To Beat The Clock in NYC on September 19, 2009. Please consider attending and if you work for an organization or want to get your friends together to walk as a team please do so! I went last year and brought along my homegirl The Cruel Secretary. who wrote about the walk which you can read here. Here's our foto from the walk below:


That's Monika, Ryan, AJ (The Cruel Secretary) and I

And you can see more fotos of the NYC Walk, starting with The Cruel Secretary and I, here. You'll definitely see me there again this year!

Walk To Beat The Clock

An organization close to my heart is one that I helped to co-found with an amazing group of women in the DC area: Tamika & Friends, Inc. The goal of Tamika & Friends, Inc is to end cervical cancer through prevention and education. I was the Director of Sexual Health until I moved back to NYC. One of the main events Tamika & Friends, Inc. sponsors are walks for cervical cancer. The DC Walk is May 16, 2009 and if you are in the MD, DC, VA area or anywhere close by (PA, DE, etc.) please consider attending.

Read more about the Walk and Register. If you are in NYC there is a walk that is being planned for the future. Also, look out for their new updated website coming soon with an article on coping and accepting your scars by yours truly!