Lesson 5: Lessons Learned as a LatiNegra Sexologist

Lesson:

The field in the US is very racially white. Changing that will mean expanding who is identified as a "sexologist" and you will embrace that expansion because it means inclusion.

Life Lesson:

Expanding who one identifies as a "sexologist" or even "sex educator" or "sex worker" can lead to inclusion. There are some folks who will not engage with "sexologist" and prefer "sex educator." Sex work as a term and identity marker will be one that folks will be drawn to if it encompasses their experiences. You will realize how each term speaks to what you have done and will do and your contributions.

When you realize that there are significantly more Black, Latinx, Asian, Native and multi-ethnic/racial sexuality educators who are being ignored by sexuality organizations, this will be your motivation to lean on the side of inclusivity. Think of all the HIV educators, testers, outreach workers; all the folks who do sexuality education in schools (regardless of how great or poor the curricula they use may be); the folks who work in medical care; who serve and help heal in traditional and non-traditional ways. We are all sexologists. Nobody's work is more important or valid than another. This will be a lesson you hold on to for the duration of your time in this life.

There is room for more people of Color in the US field of sexology. We are already doing this imperative work. We are not being paid well for the work, we are not receiving the attribution to do the work, but many of us choose to continue to do that work because it is with our own communities, families, and youth. We will do this work even with the poor pay, watching racially white folks get more shine, and our organizations get less funding. Our work will continue even if it is "underground" or subversive. Our work saves lives.

And when you are ready and have the energy you will create spaces for us to build community. Places like the Women of Color Sexual Health Network, Tamika & Friends, Inc., and The LatiNegr@s Project all will benefit from your expansion of the term "sexologist."

This will also be one important way to make the field accessible and inclusive to working poor and working class folks; to youth; and it will become the layered and complicated and dynamic field you always imagined you'd be a part of. You just didn't realize you'd play a role in creating that space, but the rewards are vast.

Sexologists of color are here, we exist, we do the work, much of the work others don't want to do or think they should not have to do because they have degrees or training or read certain books. Your definition of sexologist will push beyond that to include lived experiences, supportive networks, sharing of collective knowledge, and healing.

For inquiries or to hire bi visit her site or email bianca@biancalaureano.com

Lesson 2: Lessons Learned as a LatiNegra Sexologist

Lesson:

You will be in love again, and again, and again.

Life Lesson:

The "love" you will know will shift and change. It will be a love of life, work, career, knowledge, people, expansion, community, lovers, body, family, emotion, movement, spirit, expression, health, it will be so layered and complex. You will learn about love through your work as a sexologist. These lessons will be unlike any other person may learn in any other field. Sometimes only other folks in the sexology and sex work field may understand. Sometimes they will be yours to keep to and for yourself. Sometimes folks will not ever understand, but that doesn't make the lesson or the love any less important or valid or transformative.

Sometimes it may feel lonely. Remember you are surrounded by love, so that loneliness is about holding onto something that is not a reality for you, but a reality for someone else. You will teach others about this love the way your body moves, the way you feed yourself, the way you divest in things that do not bring you what you need and desire, the way you invest in people and things and spaces. You will have all you need.

And when you find the partner you will be with for the remainder of this life's work it will be a challenge. A constant struggle. One that is rooted in the deepest forms of compassion and intimacy that will test you in ways that hurt, ache, vibrate you to your core. It will all be worth it each step of the way. You will find support that will bring you to tears, bring you to your knees, make you question your existence. And each time you will be surrounded by love, touched with loving hands and spirit. This is where you need to be.

Lean into the love as your Irish lookout tells you each time you call her hysterical and speaking in dolphin. The love is there to lean on.

Look at what you've written on this subject:

How Do You Discuss The Multiple Layers of Love?  (February 2010)
Preparing for 'the talk' with your Child (February 2010)

For inquiries or to hire bi visit her site or email bianca@biancalaureano.com

Lesson 1: Lessons Learned As A LatiNegra Sexologist

Lesson:

It will be rare when folks will pay you what you are worth to do a workshop, presentation, share original research, or hire you in general. 

Life Lesson:

You get to decide how much you are willing to accept. You get to decide to say "yes" or say "no" or say "please find more funds and get back to me." You are worthy of what you produce and share. You decide who you will do a workshop/presentation/lecture/etc. for a lower fee based on your values. This will be different for everyone in the field.

Some of the most funds will come from academic spaces as they are run like businesses. If you wish to reach people of Color your fee may have to decrease as many organizations reaching out to us have limited funds (see white supremacy for reasons around this).

When you do accept a position, do your best work each time, regardless of the amount. It is your reputation, life's work, and often the spaces paying the least amount of money need you the most. If you have time to, always write a personal thank you card to the hosts of the event.

You are worthy. The work you do is important and needed.

For inquiries or to hire bi visit her site or email bianca@biancalaureano.com 

30 Things I've Learned As A LatiNegra Sexologist

A series for Latinx Heritage Month (Sept 15-Oct 15)

I'll be posting some things I've learned over the 18 years I've been in the sexology and sex/uality field. Some of them will be joyous and abundant. Others will not be. They will all be true and based on my personal experiences in the US and when I've gone abroad.

#LatiNegraSexologist

#WOCSexologist