Lesson 1: Lessons Learned As A LatiNegra Sexologist

Lesson:

It will be rare when folks will pay you what you are worth to do a workshop, presentation, share original research, or hire you in general. 

Life Lesson:

You get to decide how much you are willing to accept. You get to decide to say "yes" or say "no" or say "please find more funds and get back to me." You are worthy of what you produce and share. You decide who you will do a workshop/presentation/lecture/etc. for a lower fee based on your values. This will be different for everyone in the field.

Some of the most funds will come from academic spaces as they are run like businesses. If you wish to reach people of Color your fee may have to decrease as many organizations reaching out to us have limited funds (see white supremacy for reasons around this).

When you do accept a position, do your best work each time, regardless of the amount. It is your reputation, life's work, and often the spaces paying the least amount of money need you the most. If you have time to, always write a personal thank you card to the hosts of the event.

You are worthy. The work you do is important and needed.

For inquiries or to hire bi visit her site or email bianca@biancalaureano.com 

30 Things I've Learned As A LatiNegra Sexologist

A series for Latinx Heritage Month (Sept 15-Oct 15)

I'll be posting some things I've learned over the 18 years I've been in the sexology and sex/uality field. Some of them will be joyous and abundant. Others will not be. They will all be true and based on my personal experiences in the US and when I've gone abroad.

#LatiNegraSexologist

#WOCSexologist

Afr@Latin@ Sex Survey In 24 Magazine!

I was interviewed by my homegirl Aida for 24 Magazine's 5th issue on Data. We are a 4 page spread from page 32-35. Check it out below, here are a few screen shots, but click here to read in full and the rest of the 70+ page issue!

Afr@Latin@ Sex Survey

To take the survey now click here!

Bianca Laureano is an award-winning fierce-haired Puerto Rican LatiNegra sexologist living in New York City. For over a decade Bianca has worked with communities of Color on various topics connected to sex and sexuality. She is co-founder of The LatiNegr@s Project and hosts LatinoSexuality.com. Bianca is an independent scholar, writer, and radical educator. She identifies as a radical woman of Color and you may read more about her at BiancaLaureano.com. She is joined by an unpaid intern, Tasasha Henderson who is helping with promotion and distribution. You may contact Bianca with any questions or suggestions at LatiNegraSexologist@gmail.com.

This project is an attempt to bring LatiNegr@s, Blaktin@s, Cariben@s, Afr@Latin@s, et. al. into conversations around sex/uality. Often we are not included completely, and only presented as either ethnically Latin@ or racially Black. The questions below center demographics, resources available and used by LatiNegr@s, and forms of sex/uality information from various people in our communities.

Responses to this survey are 100% confidential and your responses will not in any way be connected to your identit(ies) unless you agree to have Bianca contact you via email for additional survey questions. If you chose not to share your contact information your response will be anonymous. This information will help begin to shift conversations and begin to provide LatiNegr@s with the opportunity to share our own experiences. The findings will be made available by July 2013 at LatinoSexuality.com and folks are welcome to use the findings in their own work to bring awareness, inclusivity, and justice to conversations about LatiNegr@s and our sexuality needs, resources, and narratives. The citation will be a communal citation and not one solely attributed to Bianca as this is a communal effort.

This is phase one of a budding multi-layered project centering LatiNegr@s and sex/uality. Additional parts of the project includes media, workshops, and community building among LatiNegr@s. If you are interested in joining other parts/phases of this project please reach out to Bianca at LatiNegraSexologist@gmail.com.

Although each question is "required" with a red *, please note if you do not want to comment or do not have anything further to share please write any word you choose (i.e. n/a, see above, etc.)  to move through the survey.

Many thanks in advance for your time, input, and participation.

To take the survey click this link.

Meet a Black Sexologist: Nicole Clark

I'm happy to introduce and feature some amazing Black Sexologists for Black History Month (and always because it's always BHM here and at The LatiNegr@s Project!) This month I will be featuring amazing Black women in the sexuality and sexology field. Each woman featured is also a member of the Women of Color Sexual Health Network (WOCSHN), an amazing space that has given us a connection to one another and ways to network.

Each woman featured is not only an amazing provider, educator, therapist, and/or activist, but they are also a part of the WOCSHN Fundraising effort to raise funds to attend AASECT conference this year where we will present our original research and findings. Please consider donating if you can and spreading the word so we can meet our goal!

 Please meet Nicole Clark

Why you are in the field, what brought you to the field?

I'm in the sexual and reproductive health field based on personal experience and the overall curiosity to know how a variety of factors (upbringing, physical environment, SES, race, gender, etc.) influence sexual decision making. My personal experiences stem from conversations (or lack of) that I had about sex, sexuality, and relationships with my mother. While it was easier for my mother to focus on having discussions on teen pregnancy, I realized as an adult that we never had an actual conversation about sex and sexuality. I, like many others, had to sit through inaccurate and often boring sex ed classes that were focused too much on abstaining for religious reasons and not on the human need to connect with others in an intimate way and to know how your body works. So, I set out to focus on young people getting the most accurate information on their sexual health as possible (and to help adults have those intimate conversations).

What work do you do, what do you hope to shift/change/work on?
 
My mission is to improve the health and loves of women and girls of color by infusing my passion and creativity through workshops, speaking engagements, social media, research, program evaluation, and writing. My hope is to empower women and girls of color to know what's happening with their sexual and reproductive health, know how to raise their voices against policies that seek to limit their power over their sexual and reproductive health, and to share this information with their peers.

Ideas of future work for Black women in the field (esp Black sexologists)?
 
An idea for future work for Black women in the sexuality field is to really focus on the power of storytelling, as a way to connect young women of color to the older generation. While times may have changed, there are many experiences that connect all of us. Together, we can develop empowering ways to change the conversation that can present us in a better light and will enable us to have a deeper understanding on our bodies and how we express our sexualities.

Follow Nicole's work on her personal website.

The Best of Media Justice

cross posted from my Media Justice column

It’s been two great years and for my 100th plus post I thought it would be a good time to share some of my favorite columns I’ve written. Do you have a favorite Media Justice column? If so tell me what it is! (Editor's note: Amplify editors name their own faves after the jump!)One of the reasons I like to do these reflections is because I get to see how I’ve evolved as a writer, media consumer, and in sharpening my own media literacy skills. For example, some of my earlier writings I used the term “female” a term that speaks more to describing someone’s sex assigned at birth versus their gender, such as “woman”. Although at times it is embarrassing I did this, it’s a reminder of how I’ve grown, what I’ve learned, and I’m not ashamed of having my learning and knowledge production public for others to see and learn from as well.

LatiNegr@s to Look Out For in 2010
This article is one that is very close to my heart. It marks the beginning of my work dedicated specifically to LatiNegr@s (also known as Black Latin@s/Afr@Latin@s, etc.). This was one of the original articles I wrote that lead to the creation, implementation, and management of The LatiNegr@s Project. This is a virtual project that recognizes and represents LatiNegr@s year round. We started two years ago especially to include LatiNegr@s into Black History Month, Women’s History Month, and Latino Heritage Month celebrations. The LatiNegr@s Project is also in its second year and we have expanded to a team of 4 and have over 180 pages of content, that’s over 1000 articles, images, definitions, syllabi, fotos, commentary, maps, and videos. Many of these have been reader/viewer submissions, which means not only the 4 of us managing The Project have generated content, but others submit as well. If you are interested in checking out The LatiNegr@s Project , submitting, or having us come to your school or organization visit us today.

Man Up, Woman Down
This article I am very proud of because it was a challenge for me to write it as well. I really did some introspective work in examining my own ideas on violence, self-determination, and what it means to claim violence at certain times. These questions stay with me since this article as I think more and more about liberation, struggle, decolonization, revolution, and realize that we are surrounded by all of these right now in different ways. I still don’t have too many answers to these questions but I think sometimes the questions are more important than the answers.


Communal Survival: Holding Each Other Accountable and Healing
When I wrote this article nothing else really mattered to me for 2 days. I was so absorbed into this piece, reading what others wrote, listening to songs by Roxanne Shanté, thinking about how healing has been institutionalized in our society in a way that makes certain forms valid and others questionable. It was one of my first articles for the Media Justice column and I wasn’t too sure if it would “fit,” but I was reassured that it would fit perfectly! This is a post that shows my evolution as a writer and using terms such as “female” when I meant “woman.” It’s also the one post that I received some of the most interaction with readers via social networking.



Major Lazer: Cyborgs, Dancehall, Racism & Colonization in Music
This was one of my first collaborations with my homeboy and music mentor Hugo. It’s one of the more popular posts that I’ve been a part of and we’ve received many compliments and comments about it via social networking. I’m really proud of this piece because it demonstrates my understanding of my limitations, I’m honest about my impressions, thought process and how learning is a communal activity, not something we just do by reading a book. We do a lot of learning with one another and that’s why I love this piece. A while after it was posted and I had talked to Hugo again about creating another article, I realized that he was a co-writer of this piece, not just someone I interviewed/spoke to. As a result, we share writing credit with one another on our personal blogs and resume’s, and I shared half of the income I received for writing this piece. Hugo and I are working together and sharing with one another our expertise/passions. I go to him for music support and he comes to me asking for writing tips and suggestions for online publishing. I’m proud this piece demonstrates how complex we both are and how we have one another’s back.

The Power of Our Jiggly: Jiggly Boo Dance Crew
Still one of my favorite testimonios I’ve written for the Media Justice Column. Here I share my experiences being a part of the fat dance crew Jiggly Boo Dance Crew. It’s been over 2 years since we danced together, but we are still connected, loving, and supporting one another. Our workshop that we hosted in June was amazing! We had about 15 participants, we stretched, breathed, moved, danced, and painted together. I still have the image I painted/created during the art therapy segment I facilitated and listen often to the playlist I created for this session. For art therapy each person picked a location to begin at where a different form of art was located (i.e. markers, water color, finger paints, chalk, pastels) and as they danced they created something using the item at their location. People had the choice to move around to other locations to use different forms of art and left with their creations. Some of us imagined our paper as a partner we would dance with and each time a song changed we’d find a new partner or color. I’m so amazed that I have had this experience and still have my Boos to call family.

Tattooing As Media
This article I had thought about writing for such a long time. I had to really get myself together and think about how this message would be constructed, what I would share, how I would discuss these experiences and the choices that come with making them. It is one of the most exciting pieces I’ve written because it brought me closer to an artist whose work I’ve admired and had tattooed on my body: Isis Rodriguez. She reached out to me shortly after the article was published and we corresponded about her current work in Mexico. It was amazing to have someone I value reach to me and thank me for including their work and valuing it the way I do. This article is a testament to some of the positive outcomes that may emerge from all of our technology.

Why I’m An Adiposer
Not too many people know I posed for the Adipositivity Project (yes even after I’ve written about it!). However, writing this post was one way for me to “come out” as someone who is connected to and dedicated to examining the ideas of how race, ethnicity, gender, class, and body shape and size impact our lives. I am still a part of challenging the stereotypes people have about people of different shapes, sizes, and weights. Part of valuing a healthy at every size philosophy is to first come to love and appreciate my own body and what it holds. This is not always easy. There have been times where I’ve been shamed for the way I look, questioned if I was doing the right thing, and considered drastically altering something about myself, habits, and body to fit into an ideal the US has constructed for women of Color. I recognize now that this is a process. That posing for the Adipositivity Project is part of the process, questioning if I did the right thing or if I will have the resources I need in the future are also parts of the process. It is from within the process that I can find self-determination and liberation.

American Idol and Representations of Working Class Whiteness
If only because American Idol (AI) is still on television, that’s reason enough for me to adore this piece. It was one of the first times that I decided to focus this column on racially white people. I think it’s important for us to be honest about when we see representations of working class white people and what those representations tell us about the country we live in. It’s not often we critically look at how race intersects with specific examples of whiteness or how that also connects with geographic location and gender. Today, several seasons of AI since it’s publication, I realize that this representation is a formula that AI incorporates because they think it works. And maybe it does, but it’s still a formula and I would not have seen it so quickly had I not taken the time out to share some of these thoughts.

Make-Up As Media Making
This is one of the newer posts that I’m really proud to have created. I really needed to vent and share some of the commentary I made to someone who insisted that people of Color who wear their hair naturally had “internalized oppression” because if they didn’t they would be wearing their hair “natural” (i.e. without chemicals). One of my responses was that some people (i.e. “feminists”) have judged me for wearing make-up and claim that by painting my face I’m conforming to certain standards of beauty, when in fact I don’t just paint my face, I paint my entire body! I needed to share how my face paint was something more meaningful to me, that it connected me to my culture, my mother, and my own form of personal liberation. What I never imagined was that other friends of mine, many who identify as “femme” embraced this piece, shared it everywhere, and gave me a lot of praise which was a magnificent experience which continues to this day.

Media Justice for Outlaws
This post still brings me to tears at times. When I was writing it I was thinking about where I was in my life and what my parent’s responses were/are to my work in reproductive justice and sexual health. Hearing Sandra Cisneros and Dorothy Allison talk about how their parents respond to their work helps me. I wonder if I could be the person I am today if my parents were more “connected” online and able to see and witness what I was creating. Instead, their work is more manual and doesn’t offer them this ability. Putting my “Action Plan” into actual action was something I did do shortly after writing this piece. I sent my father for Father’s Day a piece I wrote about his presence in my life and how this challenges what I read about “machismo” in our culture and community. His response was short and he basically said “ok.” I had to be honest with myself that I desired something more from his response. That maybe I just won’t ever have a response from them. It hurt. Part of that pain is connected to my parent’s aging and their memory fading. But I’m at a place where I realize this is how it may be and that’s when chosen family and community come into play.

Editor's Note: At Amplify we love having Bianca and this column, and we wanted to chime in with some of our favorites as well!

1) Bianca's online course in Human Sexuality: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, and Part 5. This is an invaluable contribution in a world where many young people never learn the facts about human sexuality in high school. We are DEEPLY grateful to have it shared here.

2) La Femme Fetal: Bianca linked last week to this great post about a song that's almost 20 years old but still among the only, if not the only, overtly pro choice music out there.

3) Bianca's work on Net Neutrality - most recently here, with links to previous entries. People need to know about this very important issue.

4) Bianca's discussion of Charlie Sheen and ableist uses of the word "crazy" and synonyms. It's too easy, too glib, to call things we don't like "crazy" and we need to be reminded often.

5) GaGa Fans: Please Explain: Bianca wonders about the weird and unfortunate terms used in "Born this Way"

6) And as a dance crew fan this editor (Emily) was really psyched about this oldie but goodie,ABDC's Vogue Evolution.

Check all these out, and keep coming back each week!

Myths and Messages About HIV

cross posted from my Media Justice column

For World AIDS Day and the week that followed I did several HIV education presentations for high school students in the Bronx. I love doing these presentations, and especially in the borough where I live, because it gives me an opportunity to work with youth that are a part of the same community. Often as a guest speaker it’s sort of a “treat” for students to hear from folks other than their teachers or academic faculty. What I realized this month was that there are some messages, inaccurate and hurtful, that students are still receiving. I wondered if I was the only one (it can’t be that I am), and as an educator I had to share.

Here are some of the top questions and myths I receive and challenge/rectify when providing HIV education in high schools (many of which include students of Color and/or working class students):

MYTH: Saliva is one of the top 5 bodily fluids that transmit HIV.

When I talk about HIV and bodily fluids I discuss: blood, semen, vaginal secretions, breast milk, and pre-ejaculatory fluid. Students, without fail, will mention saliva (or spit) as a bodily fluid. I often thank the student for their suggestion, share it’s a common belief, and go into a discussion on how one would have to consume so many gallons of saliva a person living positive with HIV must create. First, it’s hard to find someone who can produce that much spit and second I have yet to meet anyone who is that thirsty to drink all of those gallons in one sitting!

This belief that HIV is transmitted via saliva is so old school! I’m talking when we first began to see and try to understand what HIV and AIDS was and how it impacted our bodies. Folks would not drink after others who were living positive, make them drink out of paper cups, have separate utensils for them to use, and not want to come near, let alone kiss them. We’ve known better for decades, yet, this stereotype is still alive and well.

MYTH: People living with HIV don’t have sex anymore.

There is this idea that folks who are living positive will never, ever experience sexual pleasure again, especially with other people! I often share that if this were the case would we not see a reduction in the new infection rates? It is also a good opportunity to share how many folks who are living positive (an estimated 25%) don’t know they are living positive and thus are not aware of their status and may be transmitting the virus to others. This is also a good time to talk about how to properly use condoms, dental damns, latex gloves and other barrier methods, and abstinence. Just as many people have different definitions of what abstinence means (many students think it means “not having sex” when really it means “waiting to have sex” and that waiting period is usually one where people do not have sex, but it’s not the same as celibacy).

This idea also assumes that pleasure is only for people who are HIV negative. Unfortunately, this idea is dangerous. Who else will be thought to be not good enough to experience pleasure? A good conversation about pleasure and how sexual experiences may be more pleasurable when people feel comfortable, have open and honest communication, and know their partner’s HIV and STI status. This may mean getting to know someone, practicing abstinence, and developing skills to discuss these topics.

MYTH: You can prosecute someone who is HIV positive for transmitting the virus to another person during a consensual sexual encounter.

No. I often explain that it is important to keep in mind the topic of consent. It is also important to keep in mind that if this were true it would need to be proven in a court of law that the person pre-mediated and/or had intentions to infect others with HIV through unprotected sexual activities. Often students hear stories but do not realize these stories may also be connected to domestic violence, rape, assault, and other non-consensual encounters. AVERT, an international HIV and AIDS organization, has a great discussion ofcriminal transmission and laws in countries all over the world.

Good discussions about consent and testing also come about from these ideas and questions. Often the young people rationalize this question and idea to discriminate and hurt the positive person instead of recognizing the power and accountability the other person has in the situation. When people consent to engage in sexual activities together what does that mean? How do we get consent, what does it look and sound like? How do we learn that we have power when it comes to consent and in choosing to have sex of any type with folks means we are taking the responsibility to make a specific decision? A part of that decision is connected to communication, testing, holding ourselves accountable, and being clear about our personal boundaries. This story of William Brawner, a Black man who was a student at Howard University and living positive, spoke out on having numerous sexual partners while at Howard is also a story that comes up with regards to consent. It also speaks to HIV positive people still having active sex lives and the responsibility we all have to be aware of our status and of our partners.

Unfortunately, this music video and song is not helpful in sending this message.

MYTH: Magic Johnson doesn’t have HIV anymore.

Yes he does. Magic Johnson is a wealthy Black man living in the US who has US citizenship. These are all important to keep in mind because they play a role in his status and his health. As someone who has access to eating foods that are “healthy/organic,” have a personal chef, physician, access to many things you and I don’t have impacts his live in positive ways. Magic Johnson has what is called an undetectable viral load. This means the amount of HIV that is detectable in his blood is minimal, but that does NOT mean he is cured from HIV. He is still positive and can still transmit the virus to other people. I often use this as another example of how condoms do work! Magic Johnson is married and his wife, as far as we know, remains HIV negative. If they are still having sex with one another it is most likely while using barrier methods to keep her HIV negative.

MYTH: People catch HIV.

No they don’t. You catch a ball, your shirt may get caught on a nail, but people do not catch HIV. Instead, HIV is transmitted, just as knowledge is. It is passed from one person to another in specific ways. Using the term “catch” to connect to HIV transmission is a judgement. It places blame on the person who is living positive, regardless of how they became positive and is an attempt to shame them for living positive. I also see this use of language as a way to scare people and I’m not a fan of the “scared straight” approach.

MYTH: HIV isn’t a big deal because people are living longer and it’s not a death sentence.

Wrong. The virus impacts each body differently. Not all people will have the same response to HIV medication and treatments as others. What works for Magic Johnson may not work for someone else (or many other people!). The medication and treatment many folks may need to stay as healthy as they can while being HIV positive, is toxic! Taking medication is not fun. Many of the side effects for some HIV medications are things that folks do not enjoy (i.e. diarrhea, vomiting, nausea), but they may also result in death. A side effect of some of these medications is death. That’s a big deal! Not to mention the cost of medication is not cheap!

MYTH: HIV is only something that happens to gay men.

Is this 1984? (pun intended). A homophobic presidency under the Reagan administration that sent the message that HIV in the US was something that impacted gay men only ignored the infections of heterosexual, poor, people of Color, sex workers, and people all over the world! HIV impacts us all and all of us may be at risk for HIV transmission if we make certain choices in our lives. A student asked me “why do people think only gay people can get HIV?” and I had to give a short history lesson. I also talked about assumptions that all gay men have anal sex, when in reality anybody with an anus can have anal sex! It’s a stereotype, and stereotypes like this are not helpful and harmful for us all.

MYTH: Lesbians don’t have to worry about HIV.

No. Everybody must be aware and know their options in living as best they can as an HIV positive person, or as a healthy HIV negative person. Lesbians are not immune to HIV (or any other STI), and the assumption that they are is problematic. If we are sharing and exchanging bodily fluids that may transmit HIV, we are at risk, regardless of the sex assigned at birth and gender of our partners.

At the end of all my presentations I hope that youth realize the power they have. It is such an important and valuable power that many adults often try to take away from them. It’s beyond choice, it’s power. And I believe when we share with youth that we, as adults, recognize and honor their power, they may do the same which may impact their choices and lives.

Revisiting Abstinence In Media

cross posted from my Media Justice column

As I prepare for a new season of some of my favorite shows (can’t wait to check out the Sons of Anarchy (which I’ve discussed here before) I’ve been indulging in watching some of my favorite shows that I own on DVD. One of the shows that I’m constantly in awe of is Pushing Daises.

Pushing Daises is one of those rare shows that is not only entertaining with a strong, funny and intelligent script, but also mixes magical realism into the plot. One additional element to this show that I really adore is the representation of abstinence as well as the create ways characters find to express their love and attraction to one another. I find this type of narrative often omitted from stories of courtship or experiences in dating and forming relationships. Check out the trailer below:



I find this series extremely useful when discussing abstinence. Not only does this show center abstinence since this is a reality for the main characters, but it also offers a look into how we can be and get creative in our expressions of love and attraction to others that is safe in many ways. The premise of the show is that Ned (Lee Pace) is a pie maker who works with Olive (Kristin Chenoweth) but also has a secret power, which is where the magical realism comes in, in that he can “awaken the dead” for one minute, but if he leaves them alive something/one else must die in its place. He may touch them again and they are dead for good. Ned is using his power to help solve crimes of people who are murdered with private investigator Emerson Cod (Chi McBride). When his childhood sweetheart Chuck (Anna Friel) is murdered he awakens her but is so caught up in his love for her he does not touch her again. Their entire courtship and relationship centers around Chuck and Ned not touching one another’s skin, which of course limits their ability to show love and affection. But they find ways to do so.

This show is one of the few that has only had two seasons but has been so influential, at least for me as an educator. Using this in a classroom setting for a sexuality class is how I envision this piece of media being a good guide into conversations on affection, attraction, abstinence, limiting transmission of STIs, and safety. For example, take Ned and Chuck’s experiences kissing one another. This is something that if done without any barrier methods for Ned and Chuck, can result in Chuck’s death. As a result, they get creative. Check it out below:



Chuck and Ned use plastic wrap as a barrier method to protect themselves from coming into skin-to-skin contact with one another. This may not be a perfect example of reality, but it is a good example of how using plastic wrap can be used as a barrier method. For example, it’s not rare to hear that plastic wrap (as long as it is not microwavable) can be used in place of a dental dam to limit exposure to bodily fluids when engaging in oral sex. They also do similar things when holding hands as they wear gloves. Early in the show they did not hold one another’s hands, instead they made eye contact and held it and held onto their own hands. http://youtu.be/0raikOcfgi4 It’s a great example of showing affection towards someone by holding hands, but it’s also a great example of a safe activity that may limit STIs. The use of a glove for this safety speaks also to the use of latex gloves as barriers for various types of sexual activities.

Ned also finds his co-worker Olive is infatuated with him and desiring him as well. Their experiences are ones that are honest, hopeful, charming, and realistic for many folks. Being able to talk to someone we are attracted to, have a crush on, or want to get to know better takes courage. Olive is all of these things and so much more! Take a look at the witty and fun exchange Olive and Ned often have here.

Ned and Olive’s relationship is one that evolves in ways that I find realistic and supportive. At the end of season one Olive goes to a convent and there discovers that Chuck’s birth mother is also her Aunt Lilly. Here we have a narrative of young mothers being sent away to birth their children. This was not uncommon in many communities at particular times in the US, but today we don’t really have young mothers being sent away for fear of embarrassment (of themselves or their families) as we did years ago. Here’s a great clip of how Ned discovers the secret Olive has discovered.

I also appreciate how Ned and Chuck discuss their relationship with one another. Sometimes these conversations are scary and difficult to have, but Ned is very much the type to “spit it out” to get the conversation going and the statement out! This is a characteristic I enjoy about Ned, but also one that I can relate to because often when you think about something so much you become anxious, often some folks may just blurt out what is on their mind to find piece of mind. Here is the exchange Ned and Chuck have about being in a relationship with one another. Chuck wants to be realistic and acknowledges that Ned may want and need different types of affection that she cannot give and share with him because of their situation. Ned’s response to Chuck’s statement is that “just because we want things doesn’t mean we need them to be happy” and reminds Chuck that he wants to be with her even if they cannot be together in certain ways.

I find this interaction between Chuck and Ned one that speaks to how relationships may work even if/when one sexual encounters are not at the center. In our society we usually assume that a partnered, monogamous couple, especially one that is married and/or in love are engaging in sexual activity. Rarely do we imagine that their relationship works for them in ways that bring them both joy but does not include sexual activities. It really does challenge our way of thinking about relationships.

This is such a great show and I miss it dearly! Not just because it’s great content and stories, but it’s also useful in the classroom and entertaining. I’ve yet to find another show that embraces all of these conversations in such a unique and complete way. What are some forms of media that you all enjoy that discuss and represents abstinence that is accessible?

Are You A Sex(uality) Blogger/Writer of Color?

I'm looking to expand my "resources" list on my website LatinoSexuality.com and would like to have a list of sex(uality)* bloggers/writers of Color** (you do not need to identify as Latin@). I've asked around and searched to see if there is some type of list of us, but there does not seem to be any.

It's time ya'll. I envision shameless plugs for all of us who are writing on these topics, but also provide a range of resources for folks seeking insight, support, advice, community, affirmation, or whatever else they need through what many of us may provide!

I know several bloggers/writers of Color who write on sex(uality), but I'd like your permission to share your site on LatinoSexuality.com, so please let me know if I have your permission one of several ways:

1. Leave a comment here, DM me on Twitter, leave me a message on Tumblr, if we are homies on Facebook, leave a note there, or if you have my email address send me an email with a link to your online/virtual home(s)

2. Share with me how you would like your online/virtual home(s) identified (i.e. name)

My goal is to have this list completed (and continually updated) by mid-summer 2011. I will only check the link you provide to make sure it is live and working, not for specific content. If you identify as a person of Color writing on sex(uality) and reach out, I'll include you.

Many thanks in advance!

Peace, love and light

Bianca

* I'll leave it up to each individual person and/or group to define sex(uality) as a theme/topic they write about, no definitions or restraints from me, define it how you see it!

**I'll leave identifying as a "person of Color" up to the individual and/or group, again I will not define or restrain folks from identifying as such.

Demystifying Latina Sexualities

cross posted from my RH Reality Check blog.

As an undergrad and graduate student at the University of Maryland (UM) there were often talks about creating a Latino Studies program. It was not until I left UM in 2006 that such conversations were leading to action. Today there is an undergraduate Latino Studies program at UM thanks to the activism of key faculty and students. Last year graduate students working in Latino Studies created Semana de la Latina (Week of the Latina or Latina Week) at the end of March. This year, I was asked to be a part of Semana de la Latina and return to my alma mater and present on Latina sexualities.

I was incredibly honored, excited and anxious to accept such an invitation. It has been a very long time since I was back on campus and my leaving wasn’t under the greatest circumstances. However, knowing that students were leading and creating the events for the week and they reached out to me made me all the more sure I had to do it and do it well!

We had two hours to discuss Latina sexualities, and although that may not sound like a lot of time, I like to think we got a lot covered! I’ve included my powerpoint presentation below for folks to check out as I won’t be providing a slide by slide discussion of what I presented; instead I’ll touch upon key themes and conversations we had during the presentation.

The first slide I provided gave a definition of sexuality to introduce my presentation. I shared what many of us sexuality educator’s use and were trained to understand the complexity of sexuality: the circles of sexuality. I shared what each component means as many of us in the field understand them: sensuality, intimacy, identity, health and reproduction, and sexualization. I then shared with the 20+ people present that as I was learning these things about sexuality education, I wondered where race, class, ethnicity, ability, and citizenship status fit in. I asked those present where they would put each of these identities in these circles of sexuality. My decision a decade ago was that each of these identities fit into each of the circles of sexuality, so why don’t we ever talk about them when creating curriculums for youth and adults? Are we really doing “comprehensive” sexuality education when we omit these parts of our identities?

And that is where I began my presentation.

The main topics/themes I focused on included discussing and deconstructing the virgin/whore dichotomy; Latinas, abortion and contraceptive access; the Welfare Queen; criminalization of Latina sexualities; Trans Latinas how they are erased and/or attempts at inclusion; and media making and mentorship. For each of these topics I included artwork, films, data, and historical analysis for many of the topics presented in attempts to make this a multi-media, engaging, and interdisciplinary conversation.

The conversations we had about the virgin/whore dichotomy are not too far from what I have shared before about deconstructing ideas ofMarianismo. An additional component to ideas of sex-positivity connected to Latinas in the US was how these ideologies come from an assimilationist space/framework. Recognizing that sex-positivity may exist in multiple experiences is important and often I’ve found that when discussing sex-positivity among Latinas and women of Color, folks argue that the more assimilated we become to US society the more sex-positive we become as well. I find this troubling (and plan to write more in depth about it soon) for multiple reasons, mainly because it ignores how ethnocentric and elitist such ideas are while ignoring lived experiences of people abroad. It creates a “us versus them” space where the “us” is the US and thus better and more liberating. “Them” continues to be seen as “other” and ideas of being “traditional” (which is code for so many things) becomes undesirable and a sign of oppression when it comes to sexuality.

Using the artwork of two unknown artists and Isis Rodriguez, I explored the idea of the Virgin and the Whore from Latina artists. The first two images are of La Vigen, one called “The Liberation of Mary” where she is showing her vulva to the viewer and the other an image of a fat Virgin Mary. I spoke about how body shape and size is important to deconstruct in these images, that often we imagine and see images of a slender Virgin Mary whereas she was a pregnant woman but we don’t see her in such a way. Also, why do we think the body parts of the woman who some believed to have birth a prophet off limits to discuss? What does this do to our ideas of our bodies?

A film I used to discuss our ideas of young Latinas (and some older ones) connected to the virgin/whore dichotomy was Raising Victor Vargas (yes I do use this film often when I can because there is so much to connect to various topics). You may find the clip to this film on YouTube. We discussed how Judy is present in the film and her decision to remain a virgin is one that challenges our ideas of what young women are expected to do/act/say upon making that choice. One participate noted that Judy is not naïve as is assumed of young women or women who are virgins, that instead she is astute, smart, remains desirable, and negotiates her own safety without giving up any power.

To finish the conversation on virgin/whore dichotomy I presented Isis Rodriguez’s artwork No More!, which I’ve connected to in many ways, and Dr. Juana María Rodríguez’s ideas of “cyber-slut.” This led into the second them of Latinas, abortion and contraception. I shared my own experiences of attempting to obtain an IUD, responses to my sharing of choosing to use the withdrawal method, and sharing my perspective on the birth control pill’s 50^th anniversary (and responses to it). Then I included a discussion of sterilization, the history of it in the US among Latinas and differently able people, and how it remains one of the main contraceptive options for many Latinas in the US. I referenced Dr. Iris Ofelia Lopez’s longitudinal study she shared in her text Matters of Choice, which followed three generations of Puerto Rican women who have been sterilized (the first generation being ones who were forcibly sterilized and how that history impacted the choices of the women in their family: daughters and granddaughters). Dr. López’s idea of “agency within constraints” is one that is very useful to discussing and working with Latina populations.

A conversation about Latinas choosing abortion and what the rates are, as well as a focus on Rosie Jimenez was provided. It’s not often that I get choked up during presentations, but this time I teared up and my voice cracked as I talked about Rosie Jimenez, what her death represents still today, what her daughter has lost, and what we do when we easily for get the legacy she has given us. Discussing Rosie Jimenez’s inability to obtain and afford a legal abortion was a good transition to discussions of the Welfare Queen.

Prior to discussing ideas about the Welfare Queen as it is applied to Latinas, I shared a common belief that the people in the US who are seen to be socially acceptable recipients of Medicaid are veterans and people with visible disabilities. A good friend of mine, KB, shared this research with me, especially how it applied to veterans of Color. We explored how ideas of “invisible disabilities” especially mental illness have been applied to Latinas. For example, I’ve heard many people say to me and around me that Latinas are “crazy,” “unpredictable” and these are usually connected to ideas of mental illness, yet in such situations Latinas are seen as desirable, fetishized because of their “unpredicatablity” connected to disability. Thus, how are Latinas with different abilities seen as asexual while others are fetishized and what connections can we make to Isis Rodriguez’s artwork No More!?

As part of our conversation around the Welfare Queen, I shared artist, author and media maker Erika Lopez’s ideas of the Welfare Queen. She’s created a one-woman show discussing her experiences attempting to get books published, obtain Medicare and find health care. Part of her presentation is that when she was at the “welfare line” she did not see people with several children from multiple men, nor did she see people who did not take pride in their appearance. Instead, she saw beautiful and strong people who were experiencing hard times. They took pride in themselves and remained sexual people without shame or fear even if they found themselves in a space where their privacy was eliminated. Her two images of the Welfare Queen represent these ideas. The color image was her first and original image and the black and white one was a more recent representation that has aged the Welfare Queen, because older people also experience hard times.

The criminalization of Latina sexuality is one that I’ve thought about for several years. I’ve had the great fortune to examine this theme in multiple ways and the topics included were sex work, immigration and detention, violence, and gender identity and expression. Again, I used images from Isis Rodriguez and her series “My Life As A Comic Stripper” to highlight and discuss sex work in the US. As a group we discussed what we saw in her images and what messages she may be providing and sharing with viewers.

Conversations about violence I connected to reggeaton artist Ivy Queen, one of the only, if not THE only, woman in the male-dominated genre (who has been around for over two decades). One of her songs I used to discuss violence is “La Abusadora.” The song is in Spanish and I asked folks who do not understand or speak Spanish to listen to the production of the song, what they heard besides lyrics. The Spanish-speaking folks in the audience shared some of the terms they heard her mention in her lyrics. We had an important conversation around what it means when a Latina claims a certain level of violence. How is power connected to that violence, and what does it mean when that is the only form of power and agency some Latinas feel they possess?

I tied into this conversation to Lorena Gallo (formally Lorena Bobbitt), an Ecuadorian who still lives in Virginia (and for those of you familiar with the MD/VA/DC area you know how close those three areas are to one another. Gallo made national headlines when she cut part of her partner’s penis off after years of experiencing spousal rape (which he was not found guilty of but remains with a history of violence). Gallo was found not guilty by reason of insanity and committed to a mental health facility. Again the idea of mental illness and connections to Latina sexualities, disability, and violence intersect. I completed this section by discussing the Texas rape case and how the virgin/whore dichotomy becomes something we don’t discuss in such situations. Who are we to call a 11 year-old girl whose experiences of rape and abuse mean she is a “whore”? How is virginity and promiscuity connected to choice?

As part of the conversation around gender expression and identity and the connections to criminalization, I discussed the ways Latinas who represent/embrace/identify/perform masculinity are targeted. Again, the ideas of assimilation were present in that Latinas whose gender expression may be what some may consider masculine, this is seen as an outcome of living in the US, something either celebrated as liberating or seen as problematic because they are foreign. I have to thank Dr. Ziegler for pushing me towards including this topic in more depth for this presentation.

Using singer, author, and model Rita Indiana as an example, we discussed how gender expression is tied into this conversation. Rita Indiana and Los Misterios released an album last year that was very well received in the US and abroad. Indiana identifies as a Dominican lesbian and in the interview shares how folks are embracing her and sharing that they are happy she is true to herself and not hiding. Other interviews with Indiana demonstrate how much her gender expression, which many may see as masculine, is a topic of conversation when she does interviews. She has spoken of her androgynous appearance and her height of over 6 foot 2 inches has been a focus for many Latino interviewers.

The next theme discussed was how trans people are included, excluded and erased in conversations about Latina sexualities. I shared data from the UK organization http://www.tgeu.org/ ">Transgender Europe, which shared data on the murders of Trans people all over the world. Transgender Europe released data in the summer of 2010 that showed Central and South America as one of the most unsafe places for a trans person to live. Reports of murders for the first 6 months of 2010 were already exceeding the number of reported murders from 2009, and those only include the reported murders. Making it clear to participants that these murders are INTRAcultural and INTRAracial was important for me because often we assume “other” people are murdering members of our communities instead of holding our own communities responsible.

I encouraged Latino activists present to not ignore the Transgender Day of Remembrance, to remember this data, and that if we do nothing and are complacent with our community being murdered we are supporting the murders and allowing for them to continue in our communities. Also included in this section was the erasure of Latinas who identify as trans, how we have a rich history and legacy of activism that we choose to ignore which is an injustice for us all.

The final part of the presentation with a shameless plug for mentoring and media making by highlighting Sofia Quintero’s HomeGirl.TV. This is a project that author, activist, and media maker Sofia Quintero created and implemented as a social network and space for people to provide guidance, support, and advice on various topics many of us encounter. The first webisode of the first season answers the question: Should I put my boyfriend of 3 months of my cell phone plan? Part of this being a shameless plug is that I am one of the HomeGirls Sofia reached out to and included in the webisodes. HomeGirl.TV launched March 31, and if you’d like to see all of the webisodes, new ones are uploaded every Thursday, please join HomeGirl.TV. It is not just for people who identify as women, it is for everyone. Sofia wishes to begin a dialogue and is looking for HomeGirls for season 2!

I ended the presentation with an advertisement that embodied many if not all of the themes and conversations we had that day: And Then There Was Salsa.

Many thanks to the Latino Studies program, Ana, Maria and Pamela did an amazing job, and coordinated two more events: an art exhibit and a film screening which received media attention. Thank you to the participants and to my two mentors who were present to support me: Dr. Ana Patricia Rodriguez and Anne Anderson-Sawyer.

We Talked About Sex

cross posted from my Media Justice column

The documentary film Let’s Talk About Sex , as many of you know, will have its cable television debut this Sunday at ten pm on TLC. I had the pleasure of watching a screening of the film on Tuesday evening in NYC and sit on a panel with director James Houston. Here’s what we discussed together and with the participants who watched the film with us (don’t worry - I won't give any spoilers for those of you who have not seen the film yet and are waiting for April 9).

About an hour in length, the film Let’s Talk About Sex examines US ideas on sex and sexuality, with a focus on comprehensive sexuality, youth and provides opportunities for parents to hear from young people what they need when it comes to such conversations.

The screening was hosted by Miss Kings County 2011, Carmen B. Mendoza, whose platform is de-stigmatizing getting tested for HIV. I met Carmen in December of 2010 after she won the title and we hit it off! Her platform is important and reaches communities that many don’t reach out to in such settings. She’s a media maker, so look out for an upcoming Media Maker’s Salon with her soon!

There was a full house for the free screening and it included folks of various ages from all over NYC. Many of the folks present were in their early 20s and really connected to the film, and had great call and response as we watched. There were lots of laughs, some for comedic reasons, others out of shock, and there were some gasps. After the film, director James Houston and I sat on a panel to discuss the film and topics that came up in further detail.

One of the first conversations was about the goals James had for creating the film. He shared his desires to examine how his socialization as an Australian man who has lived in different parts of the world, and now in NYC, was different from what he was discovering US teens experience. Many of those were represented in the film, and he’s an advocate for encouraging parents and youth to push for comprehensive sexuality education. Research shows a majority of US communities want comprehensive sex ed, but a loud minority are monopolizing those conversations.

Participants asked about how audiences have responded to the film and James has shared that many folks enjoy the film. I agree that the film is accessible and easy to incorporate into a 50-minute class. The graphics and images are represented in ways that many people can understand. He shared that folks have provided their own experiences with education and religion after screenings, that parents have thanked him for encouraging and sparking conversation with their youth, and that teachers find the film a resource to use with students and their parents.

We were asked about the impact of religion on approaches to decreasing teenage pregnancy, HIV infection, and STIs. Houston shared that the Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice have been supporters of the film, and that when he went to visit specific communities that are using faith-based communities to discuss sexual health and reproduction, he found that there is a lot of work to still do. I think many of us agree that communities of faith are essential in playing a role in helping support comprehensive sexuality education. Many communities have begun to have important discussions around HIV with their members and are at the forefront of helping provide education and support to folks who are living positive and those who want to stay HIV negative.

Another question asked if James considered including a young person who had chosen to abstain from sex and what their experiences were. James shared that he did go to a camp in the Midwest to document the curriculum and activities but there was “not a lot going on if you know what I mean.” He also talked about how the term “abstinence” is such a loaded term that is filled with morality and judgment. This is one of the challenges to talking about abstinence in the US.

I then shared how young people I’ve worked with who have survived abstinence education know that when I ask questions such as “what are some ways to make sure you remain HIV negative” the expected response is to abstain from sex and sexual activity/behaviors. They have been socialized to know this is the “right” answer. Yet when I ask them “what does abstinence mean,” I get several different responses at the same time. I have realized that young people define abstinence differently even when they have the same form of abstinence education. This creates a new challenge and a new dialogue that we must have with young (and older) people. We have to help them decide what abstinence means for them, versus giving them our own definitions. For some folks I have learned abstinence means waiting until marriage to have sex; others believe it means not having any vaginal penetration but anal and/or oral sex is abstaining. There is a range, and diverse perspectives. I’ve encouraged youth I work with to define what abstinence means for them and make sure they are clear with their partners and that their partners share and understand their definition.

Another question was on why there is such a delay/lag in the US towards comprehensive sexuality education. James shared that he believes there is so much fear around sex and sexuality that is not seen in other parts of the world. This fear impacts a lot of our daily lives from conversations from birth to conversations as adults. He gave specific examples from the film (which I won’t share because they could be spoilers) to support his perspective. I expanded on that and shared that there is a huge illusion of power and control many parents and adults think they have over the choices and bodies of young people. This is a perfect example of how we misuse power in this society and use power over people versus power with them.

One of the last questions from the audience was from a teacher who wanted to use this film with her students, but made the point that many parents from working class and working poor communities are not present or able to have such conversations with their youth. As part of James’ argument for comprehensive sexuality education, he encourages people to mobilize their communities toward supporting such forms of education. The challenges do exist and I shared how we have to be cautious of our power as educators, as people who are educated in specific ways (i.e. college and higher education) when working in communities of which we are not members. We need to make sure that what we are bringing to those communities in which we are outsiders, are what the community desires. If it is not what the community wants then it is really us forcing our agenda onto them and telling them what to do. I gave the example that sometimes when we assume a family doesn’t talk over a meal it may be because that family can’t afford food, and those are larger issues we need to recognize and work to eliminate before working on others. In addition, I shared how comprehensive sexuality education may not reach all youth, especially those in the foster care system where their guardian is the State or youth who are already living HIV positive.

That was only a half hour of discussion and we covered a lot! If you are interested in hosting a screening of the film, or obtaining a copy for yourself, check out the film website, join theFacebook Page or order your copy online.