Cheap (but Fabulous) Gifts!

Alright, there are tons of holidays coming up, and when my parents were together I not only had to get end of year gifts, but birthday gifts for both parents and anniversary gifts for them all within a 10 day period! Needless to say I was pretty broke.

Because I've stayed pretty broke, I've found some amazing gits for folks that are under $20, which is usually my budget for people in my life. Here are some of my favorite gifts to give that are within that $20 budget! (Dag, I'm sharing all my secrets with this post!)

Crafty Chica's Wooden Frame $5
You can decorate it yourself or give as a gift to the crafty person in your life! I also suggest the Mojito papers and consider the Love Shrine. I've got the Love Shrine and have shared what I created earlier this year.

Eyes Lips Face $1

This cosmetics line by Nordstroms has almost all of their items priced at $1. I'm a HUGE fan of their nail polish in plum, their blending eye brush, and have gifted these lip balms in fun tins to younger girls/people in my life. (For some of my homies reading this DON'T buy yourself some until AFTER I give you your holiday gift because you may get some of this!)

Socks $7.50

I LOVE socks and I love giving socks as well! I've found this spot Sock It To Me, and I've also given th0se socks that are the "softest socks ever" kind of feel. I have large calf's and a size 10 foot, but these socks in "portland" (because that's where I first purchased them) go up my calf without leaving a mark because they aren't tight and stretch easily.

Books! Discounted or FREE
I love books and I love giving books I know have helped me in the past with hearing a new story or helping me see things differently. One of the ways I've decided to go about this is to look on the sales racks at major bookstores, but also I've signed up at PaperBackSwap.com which you swap books with others, set up a wish list of books and it's all FREE. All you do is pay for shipping which is usually about $2.50 for standard paperbacks. 90% of the books are brand new or in excellent condition so they are in great gift giving condition. I've also visited the library and found great finds for only twenty five cents!

Stamps $6-$13
I love to send mail, and I love to get mail too. One of the things I've done is give as a gift stamps that are fabulous and fun and can still be used to send snail mail! I love the Ella Fitzgerald stamp, Vintage Black Cinema stamps, Love: King & Queen of Hearts (although heterosexist super cute for the heteros in your life) UPDATE: I purchased the King & Queen of Hearts & they are NOT heterosexist as they are individual stamps per image so you can make them queer or poly!, Celebrate! stamp, and the Polar Bear.


Wine $10


I'm not a big drinker, many people know this about me already. However, I do like sweet flavored wines, such as Moscato, and I've been working my palette up with Sangria and Cosmopolitans. My favorite Moscato is Barentura and it is also Kosher! Beware, the three times I've gifted this wine I've been told people look at grapes in a whole new light!

Handmade Soap $5

I went to Rehobeth Beach one year for spring break and we stumbled upon the Soap Fairy. Handmade soaps by a queer couple. I can speak personally to the amazing scents of the Milk & Honey, Almond Oatmeal, and Sensuous Sandalwood.

Microfiber Screen Cloth $6
Many people I know have computers but rarely have the items that they need to make sure their computer is working properly. One of the things I've found to be extremely useful is this cleaning cloth to make sure your screen is clean. There is even a Plasma Screen cloth as well.

Capsule Pill Container $5
I carry one of these all the time. It fits over 30 ibuprofen's in a round shape in the container. I've had mine for over 5 years and it's still going strong. Although the color is coming off a bit, it gets the job done and it is compact.

SHAMELESS PLUGS
Here are gifts I've received and would definitely gift especially because they are created by some of my favorite people!

Super Hussy Shop Cards $2-$12
My homegirl Super Hussy has crafted some amazing and beautiful images of Black women on these post cards that are essential for any educator, or parent of a child. I've seen them for myself and they are of the HIGHEST quality!



Welfare Queen Bag
$20
I carry this everywhere I go if I don't have my backpack. Actually, even when I am carrying my backpack I have this too. Not only does it have a wide strap which is great for me because I have big arms, but that wide strap is great for colder weather when you layer on heavier coats. It also fits lots of stuff! I've packed this bag with 6 loaves of bread from the bakery, I've also carried 2 large cartons of orange juice along with a few lighter items. Seriously, you can fit 2 infant children in this bag, which is probably more appropriate than the groceries I carry.....

Girl Tuesday Jewelry $14 and up

I bought some barbed wire earrings from her, but she has amazing silver jewelry that she handcrafts. She's in NJ so you get your items fairly quickly if you are on the East coast!

Speak! CD & Zine $12-$17
From the Speak! Radical Women of Color Media Collective comes a CD and zine featuring and created by some of my favorite activists: La Mamita Mala, Black Amazon, and cripchick as well as baby bfp of spoken word, poetry, and song! I've used this album in my teaching on Women's Studies and they even created a curriculum with some guiding questions and ideas to encourage conversation among listeners. It is well worth the price and helps to support the ability for all Speak! members to go to the Allied Media Conference. These are going fast so I encourage you to contact them to see if supplies are available!

Adipositivity 2010 Calendar $19


Now, I've shared already that I've been photographed for the adipositivity project semi-NSFW (I'm December 3rd, September 3rd, April 2nd, January 1, and December 12, 2008)January 19th). Although none of my fotos are included in the calendar, they are still spectacular, and I'm included in the poster.

UPDATE
Musica $10-$14
My homegirl Sirena Riley is a jazz singer and you MUST buy her album. You see Sirena and I met in DC and then she moved to the UK to live her dream! What better gift to give than one that inspires in this way? You can purchase it on Itunes and at this music website. Here's her video



Handmade & Upcycled Accessories & Charms $10-15
My homegirl Li Bruno just left Chicago to head to the other side of the pond where all the Dutch culture is! However, she's still creating amazing and fun items that she's coined "from the sublime to the ridiculous." Here are a few examples. You can check out the rest of her store products here. Which one are you going to get?

Lessons of Hate

Today I had a guest speaker from SIECUS, my homeboy Max, visit my class and students. He shared with us the work he does at SIECUS and showed this film to my class:


Lessons of Hate in the Bible Belt from Stuart Productions on Vimeo.


Have you heard of this issue? Debra Taylor has not been reinstated. One of the things you may notice from watching the video is that the students in the class are from diverse ethnic and racial backgrounds. Max shared with us that when he spoke with Debra Taylor, she shared that a majority of the youth at the school are Latino, Native, and Black with a sprinkle of White students. Some of the fears among the students in the class who heard the superintendent say he "hated queers" were Latino and some are not documented and do not feel comfortable talking out against someone of his authority and power. I definitely understand that! I can't recall being a very vocal young person to such people in power at my school either.

If our youth have teachers who want to teach respect for all people, but school authorities are pulling the cord on such efforts, if organizations like GLSEN exist, but schools enforce web monitors that filter out sites that have certain words such as "gay," "lesbian," and "bisexual" so students cannot access these spaces, I can't help but wonder if our schools are perpetuating the death of our youth. Many have argued that schools are breeding grounds for incarceration, they can also be breeding grounds for murder, and with abstinence-only programming, as former Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders, MD states, a breeding ground for child abuse.

Sexual Baggage & Values

I attended the recent Guttmacher Institute Exchange entitled "Where Do Young People Learn About Sexual Health." There was a panel of six people, four adults and two youth speakers. I'm not going to sit here and rehash the entire panel because you can listen to it online as it was recorded. However, I do want to discuss one specific area that was very much a trigger for me as a sexuality activist, woman of Color, and educator.

The second speaker was William Juzang, the Vice President of Business Development of MEE Productions, a media organization that creates "cost-effective and culturally relevant messages for hard-to-reach urban and ethnic audiences." Juzang presented information from their Black youth sexuality research from 2002 entitled "This is My Reality – The Price of Sex: An Inside Look at Black Youth Sexuality and the Role of the Media." This is a national survey of youth from several cities in the US using both qualitative and quantitative methods.

When I first heard him mention this work I thought "Ok, this research is 7 years old since publication, which means it may be almost 10 years old, but let's see what they found and if anything has changed or stayed the same." I sat and listened to his overview of MEE Productions and how their work is imperative for our community. He addressed how understanding, as educators and communicators, where we are, what our baggage and issues are. I agree with this, but when he said it during his presentation it did not resonate with me until he began to share the findings from the research in their Black youth sexuality research.

On Juzang's second slide which was part of the qualitative focus groups, MEE Productions examined environmental factors that went into how Black youth learn about and are impacted by family, education, media, streets, influence of health care. He read off the list of items youth provided and then he said this:

"Black females are valued by no one."

I can't begin to explain to you the warm feeling I had that filled my body from my head to my toes. I clinched my teeth and tried to hold tears back as I heard him move to his second slide where they examined the statement further. Youth discussed the negative name calling, images seen in videos and other aspects of media, lack of "sisterhood," and women being in limited no win situations.

Data that is almost a decade old and our youth know that Black women are not valued by anyone in their community or outside of it. I've heard so many parents and educators talk about how we want to "protect" our youth from such negative messages, but how is it that regardless of how we raise them there are even more messages they come into contact with that tell the the opposite? How can years and years of work become undone so quickly and in such an intense and stunning way.

I was hurt. I am still hurting. Some may wonder why I am writing about this on a Latino Sexuality website, and that is for several reasons. First, Latinos can be of any race especially with the racial formation that is created and held in the US. Second, do we think this idea and belief (and fact!) that "Black females are valued by no one" excludes any other women of Color? This can clearly be applied to anyone who is considered "Other." Third, this affects all of us. Fourth, I believe we can make the same statement and include men of Color too.

As I listened to the rest of the panel, Juzang being the only Black male on a panel full of White women (the two youth were young people of Color), my palms started to sweat, I found myself restless in my seat, I zoned out and could hear my heart beat through my throbbing ears every time I swallowed my orange juice. i found myself questioning more of the panel's discussions in relation to this one statement Juzang had presented.

When the panel was opened to questions from the audience (there were about 50 people in the room), I put my pen down and put my palms on the side of my legs to absorb the sweat that had been produced. I wondered how I would ask all of my questions, should I comment on what Juzang had mentioned, would someone else bring it up besides me?

Four questions in and nobody brought it up yet. Topics of reaching youth and families who speak Spanish, how to make websites more youth friendly, and ways to reach parents were discussed. I raised my hand and was selected to comment and ask my question.

I warned participants and panelist that I had several questions and one comment. I chose to begin with my comment based on Juzang's research finding. I shared all that I wrote above about not being able to describe the feeling of seeing those words on a screen. I got choked up. I had to pause. I clinched my teeth so that I would not cry or let any tears fall. A few seconds passed and I realized the room was quiet. I looked up and saw Goddesses Rising who had invited me, looking at me with an expression of support, understanding and solidarity. I began to finish my comment and thanked Juzang for reminding me of this no matter how painful it was.

I shared with the group how Juzang's mention of educators and providers needing to understand what baggage we bring to a space resonated with me in a whole new way when this finding was presented. I realized this is my baggage. The fact that in the US I am not valued. My homegirls are not valued. We do not value one another. What kind of educator and activist am I if this is my baggage? How do I try to mask the fact that I know this to my youth? What is available or currently in existence for those of us in this field to regroup, process, and heal so that we can continue to do this work? I realized I do not have such a space and that it is sorely needed (happy hour doesn't count! Plus I'm not a huge drinker).

I've resisted writing this down because it is so painful. To be in a group of people committed to this movement of sexuality and sexual health and to have that ideology at the center of the work I do and there being no discussion of it any further than what I mentioned. I'm hurting.

I don't want to place blame on any one individual, that is not what this is about. It's about how our youth are so much more intuitive and astute than we give them credit for. They know what is going on no matter how much we think they don't. They know more than we think they do. Our youth know.

So, I ask, what is next? What do we do? How does knowing this information change how we work with our youth? How do we change our messaging? Do we discuss how our bodies have been abused, raped, ignored, tested, probed, murdered and how they continue to be? How do we create spaces for us to cope with this reality when we need it to continue the work that we do? I'm open to suggestions as I know a group of activists and educators are in the same situation as I am. We need to preserve not only or spirit, but our bodies, minds, rituals, cultures, families, community. We need to preserve and take care of ourselves and each other. A todo mi gente: I got your back.

Thank you Goddesses Rising for being present when I found myself struggling. Those few seconds gave me all the strength I needed to complete my thoughts and honor our bodies.