Let's talk about sex and reproductive justice! Webinar

Tuesday January 10, 2017 1:00PM -2:30PM EST
We should each make our own decision about who we have sex and build relationships with and hae the info and support to manage our reproductive health. Together we can combat stigma and move towards sex positivity to ensure that we can create the healthy and empowered sex ives we want for ourselves. Follow the conversation at #RJ2017.

Media Maker's Salon: Hip Hop Is For Lovers

cross posted from my Media Justice column


Last year Hip Hop is for Lovers (HH4L) became a live broadcast online. Since then, the expansion and attention HH4L has received is phenomenal. This is expected as the two women who are the driving force, creative energy, and developers of the series are fantastic. I asked Uche and Lenée if I could feature them for the Media Maker’s Salon as their form of media is one that is so accessible! They agreed. I should share that Lenée and I are homegirls, chosen family and that I am a regular listener, tweeter, and fan of HH4L.

Uche and Lenée both identify as 30 something Black women from the US who are English speaking. Lenée identifies as a “queer working class, anti-academic and Spanglish speaking” Black woman and Uche as a “hetero” African American woman. Their identities are important because this impacts the media they create, conversations they have, and education they provide on HH4L.

What is HH4L? When and where did it begin?

Uche: Hiphopis4Lovers.com conception came from a conversation. First it was a microblog on tumblr and was almost a mixtape but now its a full on radio show and now
budding network. We discuss Love, Sex, intimacy and Hip Hop Music every
Wednesday 8pm-10pm and we have The XD Experience every Thursday
9pm-11pm.

What was the motivation for beginning HH4L? What are some goals you have for the project/program?

Uche: The Motivation for HH4L in the beginning was to create a space where people we could talk about sex and Hip Hop in a real adult way. To address the issues in intimacy and sex that the hip hop generations faces on a daily basis.

My ultimate goal would be to change the culture of how sexuality, sex and intimacy is viewed, and discussed in the culture of Hip Hop. To create a space for adults who still engage in the culture of Hip Hop to deal with issues facing them in their personal lives.

How did the two of you meet and what went into collaboration?

Lenée: We met via twitter, actually. I was out at a wine bar in Brooklyn and Uche recognized me from my twitter avatar. We've been hanging out ever since. Later, she approached me about taking her microblog series, Hip Hop is for Lovers, to another level by making it a podcast. In May of 2011, we switched the format to include live broadcasts.

Share with us the importance of the naming of your media. How is language important in the projects you create and are a part of?

Uche: With Hip Hop, one of the main identifiers of people engaged in the culture is language. There is a seeded vernacular that in Hip Hop is this always changing but remains universal to the listeners. In Hip Hop is 4 Lovers we are using that language, that semantic to talk about Sex and Love.

Lenée: Language plays a huge part! The radio show is reflective of and steeped in Hip Hop culture and language -- the vernacular we utilize from the larger culture are a big part of the sound and tone of the show. Also, we have our own sayings that are part of the show's fabric. For instance, Uche coined the term "No bueno on the non consensual anal," in response to the idea that one partner can surprise another with anal sex. We have HH4L quotables on virtually every episode. Also, we name every episode uniquely -- usually something humorous -- as a way of piquing the interest of potential listeners.

What themes do you seek to discuss/address/present and how are they received by audience?

Lenée: Our subject matter is based on love, sex, intimacy, and relationships. So, we talk about sex itself, sex work, dating, coparenting, child rearing, etc. We talk a lot about personal agency in relationships and sexual encounters, consent, and transparency. I believe what we talk about on the show is very well received by our audience. I do find that sometimes our shows about very juicy (and for some people controversial) topics sometimes get more realtime feedback on twitter.

Uche: We talk about everything sex/ intimacy related. Everything from parenting to the kinds of sex people are having. Addressing topics like Slut Shaming, Self Love, even Polyamory has struck chords with our audience. We also, always put emphasis on consent and full disclosure in intimacies between individuals. Our audience seems to be excited to have a space where the issues that concern them and (even some that don’t) are being discussed.

How are topics and songs selected? Is this an individual process? The two of you? audience suggestions? something else?

Uche: Its both the HH4L team and our audience. We discuss and brainstorm about our topics and even do research to make sure we are giving a full representation of any topic and not just our own personal ideals.

Lenée: The creation of our library was a collaborative effort -- we both add to it regularly. We also take suggestions from our audience, and from artists themselves.

What role does race, gender, sexual orientation, class, and location play in the creation of HH4L?

Lenée: Hip Hop, as a culture and as a genre of music, belongs to People of Color (POC). It began in the Bronx, in a community of working and lower middle class black and brown folks and to this day is largely reflective of the lives and experiences, aspirations, goals, and sometimes the suffering of People of Color. Of course, there are white artists who make this music, and I find that the white artists whose work is best received both commercially and critically are people from working class and or poor communities, like Yelawolf. I think class plays a big part because early Hip Hop was self-made entertainment based on the experiences of black and brown youth. Though an abundance of Hip Hop music is driven by men who identify as hetero (or express heterosexual desires), there's a lot music informed by what we might call alternative viewpoints. Hetero women, queer women, queer men, and trans people make hip hop -- some of which is played on both the main HH4L show and the show on our network hosted by The XD Experience. Regarding location, we are NYC based. NYC is the birthplace of Hip Hop music and culture; this means that for a long time the epicenter of the culture was here -- some argue that it still is. I think that the urban experience of working class and or poor People of Color is as integral a part of the music of Hip Hop as rhyming itself.

Uche: As a woman (especially a woman of color) who grew up in the culture of Hip Hop and has no fear being identified as such is a big deal. I have met a lot of women who have a love/hate relationship with Hip Hop. Dealing with issues of “where is my place?” is very real for a lot of POC women who grew up listening to a music that at first glance doesn’t seem to value them or acknowledge their place in the culture. I’m sure that goes for other “alternative”(probably not the right word) identified groups that ultimately identify with the culture of Hip Hop. The fact that the majority of the people involved with HH4L are POC women is a big deal as we tend to talk about what affects us more so than our non POC counterparts.

How has HH4L evolved? How would you like to see it evolve in the future? Are there goals for the year?

Uche: We went from being a podcast to a live weekly show. Now we are branching out to becoming a network by adding The XD experience and some other shows that will be announced soon. We have goals of always expanding the audience and growing as a team.

As media makers, what outlets/equipment/training/workshops/tools/etc. do you utilize to create?

UW: HH4L is broadcast right from my home. I did research on a lot of different broadcast sites style sites before settling on Spreaker.com. We also use lots of social media to get the word out about our broadcasts and the happenings of HH4L. I would say that social media is a major tool for us.

Lenée: I think it's imperative that people who make media understand the intersections of social media (Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr) and traditional media (print/ radio/ video). It's all linked now. Since Twitter is a big part of what we use to communicate and share our media, I think demonstrated ability to navigate and manage social media is as important as knowing how to update a website via platforms like WordPress. Also, it's a good idea to learn about sites like podomatic, Spreaker, and Soundcloud.

What are some necessary texts, films, images, photography that you think are essential for youth, especially youth of Color, queer youth, and youth who are marginalized in general, to interact with/read/be exposed to? Why these artifacts?

Lenée: I think for young Women of Color -- queer and hetero alike -- to begin to actualize themselves, it is imperative that they know their experiences do not occur in a vacuum. I recommend Colonize This!,  and Borderlands/ La Frontera  for starters. I also suggest Sisters of the Yam: Black Women and Self-Recovery  and Naked be read in tandem. It's never too early to learn!

For marginalized youth in general, I think it's important that they utilize the resources they have access to -- be they libraries in the community or at school, or even the personal libraries of people they know and trust. When I was 15, I read The Autobiography of Malcolm X,  because I thought it was necessary for me to learn exactly how he became an activist. Not everyone is born with a fist in the air -- our kids need to know that. I also read Race Matters  by Cornel West (required reading by my school) and found the words I had been seeking all along to explain what I felt when my wealthy white schoolmates expressed not just racism or sexism, but classism in their interactions with me and one another.

Have there been any challenges/obstacles, etc. you’ve encountered in creating your media? Will you share some examples with us?

Uche: I would say that my greatest challenge in creating HH4L is that I didn't know of anything that existed like it before. I had no guide to tell me how to create a site/radio show that wants to discuss Love, Sex and Hip Hop. Sure there are sites and radio shows that discuss sex and hip hop but not together. So I would say my biggest challenge has been creating this form of media that I didn't know to exist prior to.

What support systems help you cope with frustration, challenges, obstacles, etc. as POC inclusive media makers?

Uche: I would say our biggest support system has been our growing audience. They have let us know we are doing something needed and wanted by them. That is what I know helps me face any challenges or obstacles I’ve faced.

Lenée: I'm not certain that we've faced too many frustrations or challenges as POC inclusive media makers, but I have noticed that sharing with people what I do as co-host and sometimes site contributor to the show can be met with puzzled faces. People really do seem to think that Hip Hop music is all about guns, hoes, drugs, and violence. They're sometimes surprised... While others think that the music library couldn't possibly be extensive, as the music within the genre that they like is very singularly minded.

What time management strategies/advice can you share with us about creating media and also finding time for yourself/family/friends?

Uche: There are times that I feel consumed by HH4L. I live it constantly so I make sure to have my down time to “check out.” Its essential for me to create a work/ life balance as it allows my creativity to recharge and grow.

Lenée: We make sure we're fed and hydrated before the show starts. It's imperative that we have sufficient nourishment and rest beforehand. HH4L Radio, though it requires a substantial time commitment for me, doesn't keep me from having quality time with friends and/ or family. I believe Uche has different experiences, though, since she's the site's founder and primary content contributor.

Are there any upcoming events planned?

Lenée: With dates TBD, we have a group trip to the Museum of Sex in New York City, and another Lovers Joint!

How may people get in contact with you? listen to the show?

Uche: Tune in to the show on www.hiphopis4lovers.com. Also, find us on Twitter, Tumblr  and Facebook.  If they want to submit music they can do it through the contact section on the website and also sign up for our mailing list.

Lenée: I don't know specifics, but we've got a good following on Facebook and Twitter. Also, the site we broadcast from shows us our stats including unique listeners to each broadcast and how many downloads we get. I'd estimate that we have just under a thousand folks listening to us, which is quite impressive to me considering that we've been doing the live shows for just under a year.

Are there any other topics/issues/etc. you’d like to discuss?

Lenée: Check hiphopisforlovers.com for announcements about upcoming events and to stream our latest shows.

Online Course: Sociology of Human Sexuality Part 1

cross posted from my Media Justice column

This is the first part in a series of posts (maybe 4 maybe 5) based upon my teaching experiences this summer semester as I teach an upper level course called “Sociology of Human Sexuality.” This is the second time I’ve taught this course and I have three times as many students this time around. I’m super excited to know that I’ll be able to share some of what I have planned each week with you all.
Our semester in the summer is four weeks long. We meet three times a week for three hours. Each class session is considered one week in a usual fall or spring semester. As a result, we’ve covered a LOT already and we have only had three classes. Below is an overview of what we discussed with links to the readings and films when available. If you are interested in receiving the syllabus I’m using please leave a comment with a way to reach you.

Day 1
Introduction, Anatomy & Physiology
I began class by introducing the course and myself by reviewing the syllabus and discussing major projects and grading requirements. Although grading is my least favorite part of teaching, it’s required. There are two quizzes, one final, 20 workbook assignments, and 5 guest speakers. The final project is for the students to either do a formal/traditional research paper of a topic of their choice or to rewrite a piece of media (of their choice) to demonstrate the characters/environment/etc. represent a sexually responsible, positive, and inclusive presentation of sex, sexuality, and topics we have discussed this semester. 

There are two required texts for my class, one is a traditional textbook about Human Sexuality called Sexuality Now: Embracing Diversity by Janell L. Carroll and the second text is Tales of the Closet  by Ivan Velez, Jr. This second text is one that I adore, it was the first comic book that was written and created (both by Ivan he’s the artist and author) centering queer youth of Color in NYC. There is a great history of the book that you can read on Ivan’s website Planet Bronx.  You may purchase Tales of the Closet online (and the other parts as well) and I have the honor of having Ivan agree to visit our class on the last day and discuss his text and career as an author, artist, and media maker. 

After introducing the course I had us do our first group activity. As many educators like to do (and apologies if you have done this activity and call it a specific title), I wrote terms on a piece of paper (i.e. each piece of paper had terms: Breast & Nipples, Testicles & Scrotum, Vulva, LGBTQI, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, and Vaginal Sex. I put the students in pairs and gave them each a piece of paper with a word on it. Then gave them 2 minutes to write all the other terms, synonyms, people, places, phrases they could think of regarding this topic in that time without repeating others that are already written. Usually I have one student read the terms on the paper they are holding, but this time I decided against that for time purposes. Instead I asked students what their reactions were reading their peers terms and phrases. What emotions came up for them? These emotions varied from funny, happy, angry, uncomfortable, and confused. I then indicated that those are terms we are NOT going to use in our class. That we will use the “scientific” terms in our class unless we are making direct quotes, using specific examples, and/or need assistance finding another term. That this connects to the respect issue as many people respond to language differently. 

Then, I went straight into lecturing. I always like to start with what I think is the harder part of the course: anatomy and physiology. I think this is difficult because for folks who do not have a medical/science background or have not been trained to memorize things in a particular way, this is a challenge. We briefly discussed puberty and changes that may occur during this time. I then went into the reproductive organs of what is assigned to people who are male. One of the reasons I start here is because the images and pictures needed can be taken care of with one foto. Plus, starting with these reproductive organs often quiets the young men in the room if they are already feeling a bit uncomfortable. They are often fascinated with the reproductive organs they are assumed to have and how they work. 

Here is a good example of one of the images  I used to present this discussion. The body parts we discussed include: glans penis, corona, frenulum, shaft of penis, scrotum, perenium, and anus as the external parts of the genitalia. The internal parts we discussed include: urethra, cowper’s gland, ejaculatory duct, prostate, seminal vesicle, bladder, vas deferense, epididymis, testicle/testis, sperm, semen, and ejaculatory fluid. All of these parts (which you may do an internet search to find more information about each if you are not familiar with any of these parts) I presented as important parts of reproductive organs and how our society has created ideas of “normal” genitalia. 

We then discussed the pathway that sperm and semen go to exit the body. For those of you who need a refresher the pathway is: sperm develops in the testis, matures in the epididymis, moves up through the vas deferens which provides some nutrients and donates to the semen, followed by the seminal vesicle, ejaculatory duct, and passes the cowper’s gland (which stores pre-ejaculatory fluid) and out of the urethra. There was a question about retrograde ejaculation, when instead of semen (which carries sperm) goes into the bladder because the bladder neck closure connecting the bladder and urethra does not close. This closing is required for the semen to move through the rest of the body and out the urethra. 

It was a whole bunch of information and I was exhausted and thirsty and needed to sit down! And yes, I did draw images on the board to help show these body parts and the passage of semen, which is kind of hilarious in itself. So we took a break and when we returned we finished up with the internal and external reproductive organs of people assigned as female. 

I began the discussion with internal reproductive organs.  I often find that these images are often ones that people are more familiar with. I’m not sure why this may be, perhaps it is not seen as “pornographic” as external genitalia are? Or maybe it is because of our discussion of contraceptives and birth control. In any event, we begin by discussing the following parts: ova/eggs/ovums, ovary, fimbria, fallopian tubes, uterus, uterine/endometrial lining, cervix, os, vaginal canal. I then shared, similarly to how we discussed sperm moving through the body, how ova/eggs mature and move through the reproductive organs. Again, for those who are not sure the path goes as follows: ova stimulated to grow in ovar, the most mature egg busts out of the ovary (yes it is a forceful process one that some folks may feel and this has been called a MittleSchmertz ), fimbria picks it up and helps move through fallopian tube, uterus, and if there is no fertilization (the egg hooking up with sperm) then there is no implantation (fertilized egg attaching to uterine/endometrial lining) and when it is time usually menstruation occurs where the lining of the uterus exits the cervix through the os and out of the vaginal canal. 

The second part of the reproductive organs for females was the external. This is a good image that may be useful for folks to follow along. I introduced the vulva as a term that describes the entire external female genitalia; this was a term that not many folks were familiar with. I indicated how when folks say the “vagina” they are really just referencing one part of the vulva and to get to know the other great parts that make up the vulva! These include the mons pubis, clitoris, inner and outer labia lips, vagina, perenium, and anus. I made a note that I would refer to the inner and outer labia lips instead of how the textbook discusses them as the labia majora and minora. This is because for some people their inner labia lip (what some call the labia minora) is often larger and/or longer than their outer labia lip (what some call the labia majora) and this may lend to people with vulvas thinking their vulva is not “normal” because the terms associated make the assumption that “majora” is longer. 

I also shared this so that when we begin our discussion of female sexual dysfunction we can have a conversation about vaginoplasty and if we think this may qualify as a dysfunction, cosmetic, or something else. Some students were not too fond of hearing me say this about terminology, so I made the note that just like our faces, where we usually have two eyes, one nose, one mouth the vulva usually has the same features but they all look different, just as our faces look different. This seemed to have settled them down a bit. 

I then spent some time discussing our ideas of virginity. Who may be included and/or excluded in those ideas and had the class provide some commentary on how they would define virginity. It quickly became clear the students had various definitions of virginity and that it was tied for many of them to vaginal canals and hymens. With that noted, I shared the different types of hymen’s  that may exist. We also discussed what hymens’ are, how they are formed, how one may “check” for virginity, how a hymen may be a challenge for “normal” reproductive growth (i.e. no perforation for menstrual blood to flow). Here’s a great set of images to help clarify how hymen’s may look for some folks.

Day 2
Human Sexual Response, Menstrual Cycle, Stages of Erection and Ejaculation, Sexual Assault & Rape
One of the reasons I put rape and sexual assault so early in the semester and connected to stages of an erection, ejaculation, and human sexual response, is because often folks are not aware of how our bodies may response to trauma. I wanted to help students understand how our bodies function and therefore have a better understanding of why the body may respond in certain ways that are nonconsensual. 

We began with discussing parts of the breast, which I had forgotten to discuss in our first class. We discussed milk ducts, mammary glands, nipple, areola, and lactation. I then discussed hormones such as estrogen, testosterone, follicle stimulating hormone (FSH), luteinizing hormone (LH), Gonadotrophin Releasing Hormone (GnRH), prolactin, and oxytocin. I then went into the stages of the menstrual cycle  which include: follicular, ovulation, luteal, and menstrual. I shared that, although using a 28-day cycle, that many folks who menstruate do not always full under this cycle timeline. That the 28 days is the idea that for 21 days out of the month a person does not bleed and for 7 days they do. This has historically been promoted as the “normal” cycle even though we know that there are often more than 28 days in a month. I noted that this cycle is usually attached to “traditional” (read not the type that only gives you your period 3x a year) oral birth control pills where for three weeks a person may not menstruate and then for one full week. This may be in part to the connection between reproductive health and the pharmaceutical companies in the US. 

We then moved to human sexual response, which I included 5 stages of versus the usual 4 (even today an online search will come up with the original 4 still). These staged include: desire (fairly new addition), excitement, plateau, orgasmic, and resolution. Historically desire was not included until the activism of a few sexologists. The argument is that desire must first exist and be acknowledged in order for human sexual response to occur in the way we have been taught to understand. Without desire what does that mean? What does it mean if we have sex but there is no desire? How does this connect to consent? At one point when discussing “sex flush” which is often considered a reddening of the skin when the body experiences certain things, I connected this to the normalization of white and light skin. For people whose skin is not a color where redness is easily seen and recognized there are other ways for a sex flush to occur, such as “goose bumps.” I wonder how many other educators, trainers, physicians make this note about skin color and physical responses? How many make the connection that these theories we teach still erase and ignore many of our community members?

We then transitioned into discussing the stages of erection an erection. Before doing this I drew a picture of what is inside of the penis  and discussed the urethra, corpus cavernosum and corpus spongiosum so it was clear there is no bone, how and where blood fills into the penis. This is a very physiological discussion; one that can easily get confusing and I try to make it accessible. I begin by discussing the autonomic nervous system (ANS)  and two branches: parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) and sympathetic nervous system (SNS). The ANS controls balance, breathing, urination, sweating, and sexual response; things that we often don’t always think about but are basic parts of our body needing to do so it can function in a particular way. The PNS controls muscle contractions and thus erections and the SNS controls our feelings, emotions, anxiety, and ejaculation. 

An erection is, as their textbook states” a “hydraulic event” (yes hydraulic as in what may happen with cars as they go up and down) and a spinal cord reflex. There are several parts of the body that come into play for an erection to occur. These include the brain, blood vessels, hormones, nerves, and spinal cord.  I usually draw a picture of the spinal cord with special emphasis on the lower parts called the Lumbar curve and Sacral curve. I then give students two different scenarios:

1. Touch: something/one touches or brushes against a penis and what happens is that a message from the ANS is sent to the spinal cord, specifically the sacrum which is part of the sacral curve. The sacral area is “erection central” in that it receives messages and then sends them to the penis so that blood can be sent there and fill, which is called vasocongestion. This is what causes certain parts of our body to become hard when they fill with blood (i.e. nipple, clitoris, penis, vulva). 

2. Visual: If the person with the penis sees something that they find arousing or pleasurable a message is sent from the brain that goes to the lumbar region of the spinal cord. That message says “this is something I find arousing” and thus an erection can occur. The lumbar then sends a message to the sacral area and that message is for vasocongestion to occur in the penis. 

When the lumbar does not translate that message to the sacral area, this is when folks may look to medications for erectile dysfunction such as Viagra© and Cialis®. One of the reasons these medications work is because they help to take away whatever is blocking the Lumbar in translating the message from the brain. The issue is that there is still desire that the person with the penis has for experiencing an erection, they are just not experiencing one because there is a block. 

I finished up this discussion with the three stages of ejaculation: emission (when mature sperm moves through the body), bladder neck closure, and ejaculation. One of the reasons why I put the rape and sexual assault discussion at this time was to discuss how some folks don’t understand why people get erections. I wanted to help folks realize that not all erections are sexual, that sometimes erections occur but it does not mean that people want to engage in a sexual activity. Often, these can be spinal cord reflexes. These may occur during a sexual assault. It is possible that when someone with a penis is sexually assaulted and/or raped they experience an erection. Many folks believe that if a person has an erection when experiencing such a traumatic event that the person must have “wanted” and/or “enjoyed” the interaction.

This is not true. 

Go back and read above about the stages of an erection and the first scenario regarding touch that was provided. There is no signal from the brain that this is a pleasurable experience for the person. It is a response that our bodies have. The same thing is true for people with vulvas and vaginas. When aroused lubrication is increased usually. However, sometimes people may experience vaginal lubrication when being assaulted and/or raped and again, become confused thinking their body is revolting against them. In many ways this is because our brain is the most sexual parts of our body and we do not understand how this could occur if we did not desire to have the experience. Again, this is one of the ways our body responds to certain situations. It is one way that our bodies may help us decrease the amount of friction and thus pain. 

I used the example from the book Push  by Sapphire, where Precious discussed not understanding why she would experience orgasms when her biological father was raping her. This is one of the reasons I find these topics important to connect early on. It is also a good way to discuss consent and community responses to violence.

The readings for this class came from a few places. One reading is available online and is called “The People You Meet When You Write About Rape”  and an essay from The Color of Violence: The INCITE! Anthology by  Aishah Shahidah Simmons (the director of NO! The Rape Documentary) titled “The War Against Black Women, and the Making of No!” Students also watched two videos before class one is “The Internal Clitoris”  by Betty Dodson, which demonstrates how far back the nerve endings of the clitoris extend in the body, and Nuala Cabral’s “Walking Home."

I know this is only two days into the first week of a 3-day week, and it’s a whole lot of information! I can only imagine how tired my students must feel especially if I’m ready for a 2 hour nap when I get home! This is why I may have five parts as I may only be able to cover so many classes a week! Our next class is going to be on gender and sex assigned at birth. We are reading the third chapter in Anne Fausto-Sterling’s book Sexing The Body  called “Of Gender & Genitals: The Use & Abuse Of The Modern Intersexual” which will totally challenge everything I taught them the first two days! We will follow that up with the introduction and first chapter of Julia Serano’s book Whipping Girl  where we discuss trans people and how our societies have constructed ideas around identity, sex, experience, and ways we may begin to challenge and unlearn. We will end class with a focus on sexual orientation as folks usually confuse gender and sexual orientation, especially when it comes to gender expression and exaggerations!

Latinas & Porn

Here's my Op-Ed in Fridays El Diario/La Prensa just in time for Valentine's Day!

the translations are crackin me up! (English is below)

En defensa de la pornografía

* Bianca Laureano / sexóloga, educadora y activista que tiene el sitio LatinoSexuality.com. |
* 2010-02-12
* | El Diario NY

Me encanta la pornografía. Algunas de mis amigas feministas lo cuestionan porque piensan que la pornografía trata a las mujeres como objetos. Entiendo sus dudas. Sin embargo, género, expresión sexual, imágenes son temas complicados y la pornografía que no se puede definir solo negativamente.

Supe de la pornografía de una manera particular. Soy hija de padres hipis que emigraron a EE.UU. en la década de los 70 y nuestra casa estaba lleno de arte, libros y música. Por los libros en mi casa, desde pequeña vi imágenes eróticas. Las bailes que veía imitaban algunos actos sexuales, o al menos eran expresiones eróticas de deseo y pasión. Mi mamá tenia copias de libros como Our Bodies, Ourselves y The Joy of Sex. Recuerdo haberlos leído y pensar que las personas que aparecían eran como mis padres. Estos libros y el hecho que haberlos podido leer en mi casa muestra la accesibilidad y normalización del sexo al presentarlo como algo normal.

Algunos pueden decir que leer libros como The Joy of Sex era pornografía. Pero la primera vez que vi pornografía fue viendo en acción a Vanessa del Río. La primera latina que vi en pornografía, con un cabello abundante y piel acaramelada. Cuando me enteré que era puertorriqueña como yo, sentí una conexión instante con ella.

Recuerdo que cuando veía las películas de Del Río, pensaba: “Yo quiero entrar a un cuarto como ella y ser tan poderosa como ella, sabiendo que puedo devorar a cualquiera”. Su presencia era tan sustanciosa y atractiva. Nunca había visto a una mujer entrar un lugar y tener tanto poder, solamente con su presencia. Hasta hoy, después que ha publicado su libro 50 Years of Slightly Slutty Behavior, todavía es poderosa. Del Río está en control de cómo presenta su cuerpo, poder, imagen y sexualidad. ¿Cuantas de nosotras podemos decir lo mismo sobre nuestras imagen y sexualidad?

Muchas veces, las personas desarrollan sus impresiones de la pornografía por la manera en que fueron expuestas a ella. Muchas de mis amigas me preguntan si hay posibilidad de tener pornografía feminista. Para mí, esto vas más allá de determinar si se puede aplicar una etiqueta feminista a la pornografía. Cómo disfruta del sexo alguien, es algo personal. Y cuando dos adultos se dan y reciben placer con permiso, ¿quienes somos para juzgarlos? En lugar de eso, invito a todos a examinar qué les da placer e identificar por qué.

La manera en que conocí la sexualidad y la pornografía fue de una forma saludable y eso lo sigo cultivando. He tenido la oportunidad de descubrir qué tipo de pornografía me gusta y cual no. Eso es un regalo que me doy a mi misma.

¿Qué te vas a regalar? ¿Te darás permiso para explorar tu cuerpo, deseos y reconocer el poder que tienes?

______________________________
ENGLISH

I enjoy pornography. Many of my “feminist” friends question this because they think pornography objectifies women. I can understand where they are coming from. But gender, sexual expression, imagery, and pornography are complex, and more than negative objectification. I was introduced to pornography in a very different way.

As the child of [im]migrant “hippie” parents who arrived in the continental United States in the ’70s, my parents surrounded me with art, books, and music. Through the texts in our home, I was exposed to erotic images. The dances I saw reenacted some sexual activities, at the very least an erotic expression of desire and passion. My mother had copies of Our Bodies, Ourselves and The Joy of Sex. I remember reading them and thinking the people looked like my parents. These books speak to accessibility and normalization about sex my parents offered.

Some may argue that reading books, as The Joy Of Sex is pornography. But my first exposure to pornography was when I saw Vanessa del Rio in action! She was the first Latina I ever saw in pornography with big hair, brown skin, and when I discovered she was Puerto Rican like me, I instantly connected to her.

I remember watching Vanessa del Rio in films and thinking “I want to be able to walk in a room and be just as powerful and know I can devour anyone there.” There was something substantial and compelling about her presence. I’d never seen a woman enter a room and have power in just existing. Even today, after she’s published her book 50 Years of Slightly Slutty Behavior, she remains powerful. She’s in control of how she represents herself, her body, power, image, and sexuality. How many of us can say that about our image and sexuality?

Depending on how someone was exposed to pornography may influence her impressions. Many friends ask if there can be “feminist pornography.” For me, this issue goes beyond whether a feminist banner can be applied. Pleasure is subjective. And when consent is given and received between adults, who are we to say it’s wrong? Instead, I encourage people to examine what gives them pleasure and identify why that is.

My exposure to sexuality and pornography was healthy, and I have nurtured that. I’ve had the opportunity to discover what pornography I do and don’t enjoy. This opportunity is a gift I give myself.

What will you give to yourself today? Will you grant yourself permission to explore your body, pleasure and recognize the power you have?

foto credit: shibuya86

Under $5 Valentine's Day

Are you broke like me? Do you only have about $5 in your budget to pay for something sweet, special, and lovely for a lover/friend/partner/etc.? Here's my top suggestions to use those dollars and help them stretch! I'm totally assuming people have 1. access to the internet (i.e. if you are reading this you probably do), 2. $5 to spend, 3. a desire to celebrate this day, 4. own certain items (stereo, stove, pots, pans, scissors), 5. people may have electricity. I recognize that this may not be what many people have/own/can access. And the last 2 suggestions, my favorite, are for you.

1. Make a Mix Tape
Yeah I said mix TAPE (if you were born AFTER 1990 this makes limited sense to you so make a mix CD). What better way to be all "I really thought of you so much to take the time to make this tape"? Yeah. I thought so. You can still buy cassette tapes for pretty cheap. This of course won't work if you don't have equipment to play cassettes (although if you are like me, frugal, you DO because you still have the first and only stereo your padres gave you for your sweet 16).

2. Make Breakfast
Eggs, toast, and one potato (at least in NYC) is under $5 including tax. Breakfast is my specialty...and pick up line. I'd make scrambled eggs (a dozen for $1.75 in NYC) and make some toast or biscuits ($1 for jiffy mix and you need to add a egg I think), and the potato I'd slice it and fry them or mash them up and bake them.

3. Make A Card
I love me some glue and a magazine and some scissors! People often enjoy things that you create for them. It's more personal. Take your scissors (or a knife or exacto knife) and cut out images, words, phrases that you think reminds you of your boo. Put them together on a recycled piece of paper or some cardboard (or really anything you want). If you don't want to spend money on a magazine, go fish around in the mail for catalogs, the newspaper for ads or the funnies.

4. Compile Emails And Make Into Scrapbook/Journal/Book
If you and your boo sent lovely/erotic emails or IMs to one another compile them and put them in a book. This can be as fancy or simple as you like. If you want to spend money on the fun/colored paper that is fun go for it.

5. Make Your Own Lube
Here's a video that will help you see how easy it will be to make your own lube, that you can also use as a massage oil. Decorate the bottle/jar as suggested in #3. If you can, try to ignore that she only used White people in her images.



6. Give A Good Meaningful Bellybutton to Bellybutton Hug
No arms between the chest, no handshake as we hug, but a full on bellybutton to bellybutton hug. We all need affection and touch and often we do not get what we need because sometimes we don't know how to ask for it. Sometimes we got to give what people don't ask for but that many of us do need to experience.

7. Give A Compliment

This can be in multiple forms. It doesn't have to be on this specific day either. As long as it is something that you believe and is honest. People love to hear compliments even if they are obscure, esoteric, and about things we rarely notice.

8. Gift Something You Own That A Person Admired
I enjoy doing this from time to time because it helps with the de-cluttering of my life and space. My mom is a hoarder so I often worry that it will rub off on me. Recent things I've gifted include: books, movies, pens, pins, make up, clothes, soaps, candles, and mugs. It's good to know what you gift is going to a good home.\


foto credit (in order of how they are shown): JGPHOTOS, fedek6, nkzs, juliaf, ba1969, nilkes, riesp, mmagallan

Remember These Items Are Needed In Haiti Too

People often forget these sexual and reproductive health care need during times of distress, terror, confusion, natural disaster, etc. If we don't learn from what people needed during 9/11 then we surely need to learn from what people needed during Hurricane Katrina. If you are sending items to Haiti please remember the following:

-Sanitary Napkins
-Tampons
-Condoms
-Spermicide
-Morning After Pill (Plan B)
-Napkins/Paper Towels/Toilet Paper
UPDATED
My homegirl Prof. Susurro (who has also made a comprehensive list of places to give) reminded those of us with access to meds:
-HIV medications
-Hormone medication

Folks may not want to recognize that often when people are scared, confused, and needing something tangible in their life, sex is often one of the most accessible forms of affection and touch that can be experienced. When 9/11 happened I was at NYU and students were evacuated from downtown housing. Those students were placed in the NYU arena/gymnasium. They had to distribute condoms to students because in that time that was the one thing that they found comfort in: one another's bodies. Please help the possibility of infection and unwanted pregnancies by remembering condoms, spermicide and plan b.

Also, people may be menstruating and needing various products to help them from experiencing any more frustration and discomfort than they already have. Please make sure that if you are sending items to Haiti to remember these items. I have yet to see a list of what Haiti needs that includes these items.

I've heard (but can't find confirmation) that FedEx is shipping anything under 50 pounds FREE of charge to Haiti. UPDATE neither FedEx nor UPS are offering free shipping at this time. Please take the time to remember all the things people lost and need and how reproductive and sexual health intersect with coping and healing.

Left Forum: The Culture Wars & Sexuality

I'm on a panel this coming Sunday at the Left Forum Conference. The panel I am on is called "The Culture Wars & Sexuality" and is held from noon to 2pm. I will be on the panel with the following people:

David Rosen (Chair) - author, "Sex Scandal America: Politics & the Ritual of Public Shaming"

Betty Dodson - long-term women's sexual freedom activist and author of "Orgasm for Two: The Joy of Partnersex"

Richard Kim - The Nation Institute

The panel will be on

"This panel of the 2009 Left Forum, “Sex & the Culture Wars,” will assess the Christian right’s impact on social, political and personal life. It will review the emergence and growth of this powerful movement and will question whether the 2008 election signals the emergence of a new sexual culture."

If you are in the NYC area and want to stop by please do! If you want to attend the full conference there is a sliding scale fee. However, there is no childcare available (another issue to discuss at another time because who has the privilege to find, hire and pay a provider on the weekend?)