People heal in different ways.
It seems obvious, but sometimes you have to remember this. When folks say or act a particular way, and you know it is not their best self, remember they may be healing from something in a different way. I'd go as far as to remind you that as long as another person's healing does not harm another, that those healing practices are ok for them, even if they are not ones you'd do for yourself.
Healing is deeply personal, and what has worked for you: healing with your community, healing publicly, healing with individuals, healing alone and privately, may not work for others. Some folks find healing in various places and spaces. Some folks go into the sexology field to find healing, like you did. Others go into kink or BDSM communities and find their healing. Other folks find healing through traditional Western medications or therapies. Others find it in a spiritual belief system. There are many paths to healing. Your job is not to judge those paths. Sometimes your job is to get out of the way to not obstruct that path!
All of those forms are valid for that person. You do not need to judge someone else and their healing practices, especially because you know how it feels when folks judge yours. It's never supportive and it can be more damaging. There is so much healing that needs to happen for you still. You have yet to really be in a space to realize some of the healing you must do too. Sometimes witnessing others healing may help reveal yours too.
This is a lifelong process for some. The wounds and trauma run deep. For some of us, like you, your existence may be a reality of some of that historical trauma. When you are seen as a 'throwback' to the stain in your families narrative of being pure Spanish blood, that's a legacy of trauma that you remind folks occurred with your existence and presence. You belong here. You deserve healing. So does everyone else.
Lean into the healing. There is some scary things in there, but there's also the liberation you sought and it may be there for others too, in their own way, in their own time.
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