Latinx Heritage Month: #FemmeInMourning 3

After my mother died I thought about death and dying for hours every day for over a year as I still think about it today. Over 10 hour days thinking about how people die, what our spirits do, how our souls move, what ways I want to die, what it feels like, how do bodies get composted, cremated or something else?!

From all the thinking of death and dying I learned that not too many people have the capacity, ability, or interest in discussing death and dying in the same way. My conversations with others became limited. There are not many things people do when you start to talk of death. It's not a small talk conversation even when it's the only guaranteed part of the human experience. I had to stop dating and was super selective about where I went and with whom I spent my time.

The call and response from others is nothing to expect. Death conversations make others uncomfortable. Yet I found comfort in discussing death and limited people were available to hold that with me and process or even listen. So I found other ways to cope. I'll share what some of those are later this month.

What I will say about this reality is that the few folks who do and can discuss death and dying with you will reveal themselves and they will not be anyone you think they will be. People learn about themselves so much through death: what we have ability for, how the depths of emotions are deeper than considered, ways to stay on the planet and not get too lost in the grief (good luck I'll share how I coped).

Perhaps it's because of some other purpose I have in this life, but it was easy for me to go directly to Santa Muerta (view this documentary with English subtitles from Mexico) which I've taught before in other Latinx courses in the past. There's a fear some have with death and dying and yet I and many others around the world find a peace in knowing she exists. I was first introduced to her in the early 2000 as a patron saint for sex workers, someone who helps those who are often ignored/excluded and isolated from society and yet keep our society and economy and mental and emotional health stable! From those who are involved with organized or other forms of crime, people considered "sinners" or hopeless she is the patron saint for and helps usher those of us who have passed into the afterlife.

Read part 2 here.